I read an article today on Slate that really resonated with me. I would quote parts of it here, but really, you should just go read the entire thing.
I don’t like writing very much right now. It’s been months since I wrote something that I was pleased with, whether personally or professionally. Instead of a craft that I work at and take pride in, it’s become a chore, a means to a paycheck.
That’s not to say I don’t want to write anymore. I do. Even when I daydream about quitting and doing something else, writing figures prominently. (Today my brilliant idea was that I should become a flight attendant and write about that somehow … travel articles or something. Or travel articles and a book. I haven’t figured it all out yet. But then I realized that Delta isn’t hiring and I don’t want to fly Southwest and Continental wants you to have two years of customer service experience, which I do not. So then I thought I might stick with journalism.)
Journalism is still the love in my life (even when Jesus should be). I’m in this for the long haul, and I think I may have a book (or two) in me yet. But right now I’m in a rut.
And though they have nothing to do with each other, that article also reminded me of the introduction to Don Miller’s “Blue Like Jazz.” I’m tired of resolution – I feel sometimes like everything I write has to have a neat ending, even if it’s just spilling my guts all over the World Wide Web. I want to be OK with uncertainty and unanswered questions.
Sometimes, I want to create them for myself.
I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn’t resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn’t resolve. But that was before any of this happened.