Everybody’s waiting for me to fall

I recently ran into someone who always made me feel dowdy and unsophisticated. I’ve always been a little self conscious about my appearance… guys used to make fun of me all the time in high school, and people used to tell me it must be difficult being best friends with someone who was as beautiful as my best buddy was. I always felt like second fiddle.

Well, when I ran into this particular person, they said, “You look great as usual.” This person then turned to the friend I was with and added, “CJ always looks great no matter what. The girl can eat anything and not gain a pound.”

So it was a relatively insignificant encounter, a relatively meaningless statement… but as I left the restaurant that evening, I thought about how much more self confident I’ve become in even the two years since I first met that person.

Part of that is probably because I’ve adopted some of the “cultural norms” of this crazy state. It’s a subtle thing, but I don’t think I dress quite as casually as I did when I first moved here. I probably wear more make up. I’m generally a little prissier, a little girlier… I guess I’m a Bama girl, at least nominally.

But I hope there’s more to my new-found confidence than physical changes. I think I’ve become more generally accepting of my quirks and my personality than I used to be. I’m more focused on my goals in life and less on trying to fit someone else’s ideals. I think I’m kind of a “grown up”–at least, as much as someone who uses the term “grown up” can be. 😉

I still get freaked out when boys tell me I’m hot, though… even if they are junior highers. 😛


Filed under Autobiography, Bits & Pieces, Insecurity

4 Responses to Everybody’s waiting for me to fall

  1. Are you kidding me, CJ? You ARE phenominally gorgeous!

    I have sort of found myself becomeing more girlie and prissy as of late, also. It’s strange to look back and see how different such a small change makes you feel.

  2. mb

    Telling a girl she’s pretty has gotten me nowhere. 🙂

  3. luke

    i agree with mb.

  4. i just started looking at this blog stuff this week… and was looking at the nickel creek site today cause they played a little cafe in seattle last night and i got to work with them. it was pretty amazing. 150 people. crazy.

    anyway….so then i saw your feet on their forum and clicked on your blog and… hello.

    i don’t think this is really a comment, but the link said ‘talk to me’. cheers,


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