Wait, I’ll be fine, just give me a couple years to say my prayers

This afternoon I dropped Alisa off under the Southwest sign at the airport. I sent her into the terminal with a tight hug, then slid into my car and tried to drive away before I could get too sentimental.

It didn’t really work.

It’s not like we had particularly unusual adventures over these last six days. It’s just one of the trials of having far-flung best friends. It’s hard to release that bit of normalcy, to watch a person who loves the whole you slip back to the other side of the country. You may have a guarantee to see them again soon, but that doesn’t make up for lost months of playing with your cat and teasing friends on IM together.

I held on to that melancholy mood as I enjoyed front porch conversation with new friends tonight. Different as these scenarios are, they account for my nervousness about moving. My best memories of that city involve Ed food, sidewalk chalk, lattes and Friends, piles of leaves and adventures born of two young imaginations.

Those things aren’t tied to the city but to friendships. I’ve just started to feel comfortable in the place I’ve carved out here, and I hesitate to leave it for a place that only holds memories.

It’s hard for me to believe that I’m not losing the people I’ve met here and that the city’s promise isn’t tied to the friends who were once there. Honestly, I’m really excited about some aspects of moving back. The job I’m going for sounds great and I’ll be working with one friend and making others. There are churches there and my home church is only an hour away.

The memories and friendships I cherish won’t be there and can’t be recreated. But they’re not supposed to be.

It’s a bittersweet excitement that serves to confirm what I’ve long believed—success is often harder than failure.

“Failure’s hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you’re successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever.” -Po Bronson


Filed under Autobiography, Reasons why

3 Responses to Wait, I’ll be fine, just give me a couple years to say my prayers

  1. Rick

    Hi, I saw this entry and wanted to leave a note. I hope the new job works out well for you.

    I can relate somewhat to your feelings about moving – of myself and when friends moved. I didn’t get to see a lot of my college friends at my graduation ceremony at JMU several years ago, and I felt horrible about it because I didn’t think I would ever get to see them again. I don’t think we naturally like adjustments in our lives; we like things settled just fine and firm around us forever. And I think that’s where fellowship becomes a special thing for addressing those fears. When I switched to my home Presbyterian church in VA, that became a new home and family for addressing my fears of post-college adjustment. I loved my brothers and sisters from college, and didn’t want to see them go. But when I devoted myself to meeting new relatives in Christ, I felt better in being more at ease with the Lord. I now love fellowship in a new setting with my home-group peers and my overall church family of Christ in my new hometown – something I confess I never hoped for well.

    This is a lot that I wrote here. Can you tell I’ve never worked with a blog site before? 🙂 Anyway, I hope the writing job has much impact for your audience as you love God and others well. And I hope this finds you well.

    “God moves in a mysterious way,
    His wonders to perform;
    He plants His footsteps in the sea
    And rides upon the storm.”
    William Cowper (this being from one of my favorite poems) 🙂

  2. I really like that quote… Wise words in the form of quote, lyrics or, well, God, make me want to keep a quote journal like in “A Walk to Remember” (though I’m sure you’ve never seen it :)).

  3. Moving is really tough – I’ve done it 3 times to cities where I didn’t really know many, if any, people.

    But it’s rewarding, too. You get to develop relationships you never would have had, you have new experiences in new places, and you get to find another place that will always feel like “home”.

    I hope things go smoothly. 🙂

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