The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
I Thessalonians 5:24
I was rejected again this week.
That’s five, for those of you who are counting.
I also have a theory that I’ve been rejected from another but haven’t heard about it. The Richmond paper was supposed to conduct interviews for the internship in early February. Judging by the date on the calendar, my guess is that’s another one that’s passed me by.
Jacksonville, Charlotte, York, Daytona Beach, Austin and Quincy remain. I expect to hear something from Jacksonville and Charlotte within the next several weeks. I should’ve heard something from Austin already; we’ll interpret that as a “no, thanks.” Southern Progress’ deadline looms on the horizon; I will submit an application this week, but I’m not hopeful.
Yes, I realize that I’m whining. And yes, there’s more to my lament than a series of rejection letters.
It’s a faith issue.
I am scared that I will graduate with a master’s degree in one hand, $22,000 worth of debt in the other and no job in the forseeable future. I worry that the time I’ve spent here will go to waste. I look at the empty days that stretch before me and wonder if they’ll ever seem full again.
Earlier this week, I found myself longing for the days when my primary dream was to be a wife and mother. Those times were somehow simpler. Though I was single, it was easier to trust that God would bring Mr. Right in my life than it is to now believe that He’ll provide Mr. Right Job. (Now I have both of those goals hanging over my head!)
My lack of faith is inexcusable. As I prepared for an interview last week, I read I Thessalonians 5. The words of verse 24 struck me anew – and perhaps in a way that is out of line with the context of the passage.
But is it not true that God will provide to fulfill the calling He places on our lives? If He expects me to be a journalist, will He not provide employment? (Well, and the marriage thing too – but that was just an aside. I’m in more of a rush to get a job than to get a husband.)
Today, my head and my heart are not aligned. But I’m trying. I’m praying. And I’m trying not to think too hard.
Bear with me.
There’s a restless feeling knocking at my door today
There’s a shadow hanging ’round my garden gate
I read between the lines of words you can’t disguise
Love has gone away, and put these tears in my eyes