There’s a restless feeling knocking at my door today

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
I Thessalonians 5:24

I was rejected again this week.

That’s five, for those of you who are counting.

I also have a theory that I’ve been rejected from another but haven’t heard about it. The Richmond paper was supposed to conduct interviews for the internship in early February. Judging by the date on the calendar, my guess is that’s another one that’s passed me by.

Jacksonville, Charlotte, York, Daytona Beach, Austin and Quincy remain. I expect to hear something from Jacksonville and Charlotte within the next several weeks. I should’ve heard something from Austin already; we’ll interpret that as a “no, thanks.” Southern Progress’ deadline looms on the horizon; I will submit an application this week, but I’m not hopeful.

Yes, I realize that I’m whining. And yes, there’s more to my lament than a series of rejection letters.

It’s a faith issue.

I am scared that I will graduate with a master’s degree in one hand, $22,000 worth of debt in the other and no job in the forseeable future. I worry that the time I’ve spent here will go to waste. I look at the empty days that stretch before me and wonder if they’ll ever seem full again.

Earlier this week, I found myself longing for the days when my primary dream was to be a wife and mother. Those times were somehow simpler. Though I was single, it was easier to trust that God would bring Mr. Right in my life than it is to now believe that He’ll provide Mr. Right Job. (Now I have both of those goals hanging over my head!)

My lack of faith is inexcusable. As I prepared for an interview last week, I read I Thessalonians 5. The words of verse 24 struck me anew – and perhaps in a way that is out of line with the context of the passage.

But is it not true that God will provide to fulfill the calling He places on our lives? If He expects me to be a journalist, will He not provide employment? (Well, and the marriage thing too – but that was just an aside. I’m in more of a rush to get a job than to get a husband.)

Today, my head and my heart are not aligned. But I’m trying. I’m praying. And I’m trying not to think too hard.

Bear with me.

There’s a restless feeling knocking at my door today
There’s a shadow hanging ’round my garden gate
I read between the lines of words you can’t disguise
Love has gone away, and put these tears in my eyes
AK+US

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0 Responses to There’s a restless feeling knocking at my door today

  1. There’s an old, worn out adage that say “Good things come to those who wait.” Keep strong, and try to have faith and patience. It may be a long time coming, but when it does, it’ll be good. 🙂

  2. try this one on for size: stop thinking

    how about that?

  3. It’s not that easy – but I’m trying anyway.

    (Sounds like the kind of advice you’d give someone else.)

  4. Would it be a waste, really? I don’t think that any education is a waste.

  5. kari

    i know how you feel. which is why i don’t have any good words for you. but i’m sorry you’re having to struggle with this.

  6. Rus

    I was reading about Elijah earlier in the week. How, right after he called down the fire from heaven and saw God work an amazing miracle, that he ran, scared for his life and hid in a cave. It seems that, even when we see evidence of the awesome power and ability of God, in our humaness we are SO easily scared. It also said that angels came and attended him. Look for your angels.

  7. I was unemployed for 12 of my first 24 months out of college, CJ, so I have some idea what it’s like. I’ll be praying for your perserverence and diligence in getting through all this and getting a job.

  8. haha, sounds forever like my life, as well. i can sympathize. really. i’ve been out of school for 8 months now, still no job. but this i know: God is indeed faithful. he’s never not been. trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (proverbs 3:5-6)

  9. After losing my first post-graduate job (fired after one semester of teaching), I was out of full-time work for nine months. During that time, God provided “manna” jobs at temp agencies to get me by, week to week. Finally, He let me stop wandering in the desert and led me to my current position, which meets my financial needs with a bit to spare. I know it’s hard to trust during times like these, but every good and perfect gift is from His hands. You may not be ready for the job He has for you. The job may not be ready for you. If He had let me get the job I wanted, I would be making less money, and would probably be miserable. It’s little consolation, I know, for us to chime in with the predictable “trust in God” lines, but it’s really true. Maybe the question you should be asking isn’t “What job am I going to get?” but “What do you want to teach me with this?” Because usually, that’s the real point.

  10. Pingback: Stumbling Through The Lines » Out here, hope remains

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