This is an excerpt from my journal on August 31. I know I’ve been rambling about love a lot lately. It’s been on my mind a lot, courtesy of upcoming weddings. Don’t count on these thoughts fading just yet – I’m reading Wild at Heart now, too.
Sweet Jesus – Your relentless pursuit of me is beyond incredible. It bewilders me.
I love that You’ve given us marriage as a picture of Your love for us. I want to experience that – but I want to experience it as the analogy of our relationship with you that it is meant to be.
So often I reduce my view of marriage to a self-serving institution. I want someone to keep me company and to baby me when I’m sick. I want affectionate expressions, and I want to be told that I’m beautiful.
What’s amazing is that – someday – I may have a physical manifestation of all of that. But I’ll only be blessed with such a gift to help me better understand how You love me.
I have all of those things already. You shower me with Your affection daily. Sometimes I choose to look away in disbelief – just as I may when a man echoes Your sentiments.
Your love is greater than my doubt.
Your pursuit of me is why I must allow myself to be pursued in relationships. To take the reigns of romance into my own hands is to destroy the gorgeous analogy You long to draw out for me. The man is the leader because You have chosen him to be equated to You in this depiction. I am to be pursued as the church. You’ve gifted us accordingly.
Someday, Jesus. I pray he’ll make my heart more fully Yours.