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I am depressed and I’m happy

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I burst into tears as I answered the intake questions for UAB psychiatry. “I’m sad, and I’m having trouble getting up off the bathroom floor to work, and I think maybe I need help—and maybe the fact that I’m crying is proof,” I said. The man on the other end of the line quickly identified a psychologist he thought would be a good fit and scheduled my appointment.

I had been self-identifying my depression for 16 years before I placed that call, and before my first appointment ended, my therapist affirmed my diagnosis. “It sounds to me like you have a family history of depression, likely caused by a chemical imbalance but exacerbated by circumstances. I also think you have seasonal affective disorder. Does this sound right to you?” I loved that she gave me space to disagree, but I didn’t need to. Her words—and the treatment that followed—offered freedom.

In the years since, I’ve been on a small but important personal mission to help break through the stigma associated with mental-health issues. It’s hard to say what would have been different if I had sought help earlier. I’m not 100 percent confident in saying that the stigma was all that held me back. But I’ve always been scared to admit imperfection, even when flaws are beyond my control.

I’ve learned that things I thought were simply part of my personality were actually symptoms I didn’t have to live with. (Did you know it’s not normal to cry at least monthly for no apparent reason? I didn’t.) Taking a small, daily dose of an anti-depressant isn’t a big deal; as one friend noted, if I were diabetic I wouldn’t aim to get off of insulin. That shift in perspective is significant, and the symptoms of depression seem to show up when I lose perspective. Twice-monthly therapy appointments have helped me build healthy coping skills. Rather than believe the lies I tell myself, I’ve learned to articulate them to a friend. Although I still face insecurities (hi, I’m human), I know how to deal and don’t let them define me. When I hear how ridiculous it sounds, negative self talk loses its power.

Sertraline and therapy have been a regular part of my life for the past two years, and people find it difficult to believe I am actually depressed. My therapist says I’m in remission, for lack of a better term. Friends say it takes strength to admit when you need help. Although I agree, I wouldn’t have phrased it that way at the time. I simply knew I couldn’t walk through my depression alone.

Depression can be debilitating, but it doesn’t have to be. Let people into your life, and ask for help when and if you’re able.

Would you be willing to share your experience with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or other mental-health illness? Email me at cjATcarlajeanwhitleyDOTcom. I’d love to share your experience as a guest post.

Resources:

Oasis Counseling

UAB Psychiatry

Alabama Psychiatric Services

National Alliance on Mental Illness

Upcoming events

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

The coming week will be a whirlwind, and one for which I’m grateful. I’ll be selling copies of “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music” at a number of events around central and north Alabama, and I’m excited to have so many opportunities to do so.

Aug. 10, 10 p.m.-midnight: Join me and The Audiovore’s Lee Shook for a two-hour discussion of Muscle Shoals music. The show airs at 107.3 FM and can be streamed at bhammountainradio.com.

Aug. 12, 6 p.m.: Fultondale’s free Movies in the Park, featuring a screening of the documentary “Muscle Shoals” and a performance by the Kerry Gilbert Band. Thanks to Alabama Media Group’s Sara McCarty for this great event preview: “Fultondale’s free Movies in the Park series to feature special screening of of ‘Muscle Shoals’ music documentary”

Aug. 14, 6 p.m.: Muscle Shoals Chapter of Credit Unions (private event) I’m looking forward to speaking to this group, which I’m told includes a number of musicians.

Aug. 15, 6 p.m.: Birmingham Arts and Music Festival Muscle Shoals Tribute at Avondale Brewing Co. I’ll be selling books while listening to the music of Bad Brad and the Sipsey Slims with the Legends of Muscle Shoals, including David Hood, Kelvin Holley and Will McFarland

Aug. 16, 11 am.-2 p.m.: Coldwater Books in Tuscumbia. I hope to see friends from the Shoals area at this charming bookstore.

Aug. 19, 7 p.m.: I’m excited to sign copies at Church Street Coffee & Books–and this event will be fun for people who already have the book as well as those who don’t! Carrie Rollwagen will interview me about the book in between sets of live music (covering some of the area’s iconic songs, of course). The shop will also serve free whiskey sours. Thanks to Village Living for including the event in the paper’s August issue: “Signing for Muscle Shoals history book coming to Church Street this month.” 

A reading to-do list

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Lately my life is even more about reading and writing than usual–and let’s be honest, that’s a dream come true. Sometimes people ask why I do so much (full-time magazine editor, freelance writing and editing, teaching, yoga, etc.). But all of these activities tie back in to my greatest loves: reading and writing. Although yoga may not be an obvious connection, it helps me disconnect from the over-active to-do list part of my brain–which in turn leaves me feeling more creative and open to new ideas. It’s a beautiful cycle.

Thanks in part to a schedule made even busier by a number of upcoming book events, I’ve recently started a to-read list (in addition to all of my other lists–did I mention I’m type A?). I’ve got a number of reading and writing assignments due in the coming weeks, and this list has helped me keep my priorities in line. It may seem a bit silly and intense, but it’s working for me.

I wanted to read “The Mockingbird Next Door” by Marja Mills as soon as possible after its release, in large part because of the national conversation regarding whether or not it was written with Harper Lee’s knowledge. (For what it’s worth, I don’t think Mills could have written the book without consent from the Lee sisters.) But I had to finish “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown before yoga teacher training (barely made it), and reread “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” before my Harry Potter book club met (success).

It’s a different approach to the way I read, but it’s working. And I’m simultaneously being pointed toward other books that I own but have yet to read; for example, in Mills’ book, the Lee sisters talk to her about Paul Hemphill’s “The Ballad of Little River,” among other books that relay Alabama’s history. I love Hemphill’s “Leaving Birmingham,” and own but have yet to read several of his other works.

Between writing my second book (due far too soon!) and powering through my ever-growing reading list, I’ve decided I need to take a two-week vacation: one week to piddle and read whatever I feel like reading, and a second to write, write, write. I’ve got the vacation days, but I’ve got to clear my calendar of events in order to make this dream come to life.

Recently acquired:

  1. The Art of Creative Nonfiction by Lee Gutkind
  2. Nick Saban vs. College Football by Christopher Walsh
  3. Season of Saturdays by Michael Weinreb
  4. Wolf in White Van by John Darnielle
  5. Songbook by Nick Hornby (one of my all-time favorite books in a snazzy new edition)
  6. Muscle Shoals Sound Studio by yours truly
  7. The Hideaway by Lauren K. Denton
  8. The Brewmaster’s Table by Garrett Oliver
  9. The Oxford Companion to Beer edited by Garrett Oliver
  10. The Mockingbird Next Door by Marja Mills
  11. Ottolenghi by Yotam Ottolenghi and Sami Tamimi
  12. Deadline Artists edited by John P. Avlon, Errol Louis and Jesse Angelo 

Recently read:

  1. The Mockingbird Next Door by Marja Mills
  2. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling
  3. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
  4. This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper
  5. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart
  6. The Public Library: A Photographic Essay by Robert Dawson
  7. The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta

What I’m Writing: July 2014

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

These are stories I wrote that were published this month.

Tour This Town

vulcaningSure, you know that Vulcan keeps watch over the city, that the Birmingham Museum of Art has one of the largest municipal art collections in the southeast and that the Alabama Theatre is historic. But how much time have you spent really getting to know the city? Read more “Tour This Town” at bhammag.com.

Musical History: The four towns that comprise the Shoals area are jam-packed with music and activities

shoals“Muscle Shoals” is the buzz again, thanks only in part to the eponymous documentary that debuted at Sundance Film Festival in 2013. The film recounts the area’s musical roots, which date back to the late 1950s. It became a hotbed for the recording industry in the 1960s and ’70s, and at one time claimed a higher ratio of hits per recording sessions than any other music industry town.

Now, bands such as The Civil Wars, The Secret Sisters, The Bear, Drive-By Truckers, Jason Isbell and Birmingham’s own St. Paul and the Broken Bones boast ties to the area, and their success has returned northwest Alabama in the national spotlight. But they’re only part of the reason to visit the Shoals region, which includes the cities of Muscle Shoals, Florence, Sheffield and Tuscumbia. Read more “Musical History” at bhammag.com.

Family Band: Dead Fingers solidifies its sound even while adding a new band member and a baby to the mix

Big Black DogDead Fingers released its eponymous album in February 2012. But in some ways, the band’s “Big Black Dog” could be considered its debut.
“When we made that first one, we weren’t really a band yet,” explains Kate Hollingsworth, who formed the group with her husband, Taylor Hollingsworth. Read more “Family Band” at bhammag.com.

Snapshot in Time: A Birmingham 100 depicts people who influence the city’s culture 

a birmingham 100When photographed in black and white, a portrait is more tightly focused on the subject’s essence. Props and accessories can fade as facial expressions become even more critical. The viewer is often left with an intimate understanding of the subject.

That effect is prominently displayed in the photography project “A Birmingham 100.” Headshot photographer Kenwyn Alexander has spent months creating images and video interviews of 100-plus Birmingham-area residents in an effort to capture what he believes is the essence of the city: its people. Read more “Snapshot in Time” at bhammag.com.

Friendship: Expectation vs. Reality

friendshipEmily Gould has built a career as a blogger for her own Emily Magazine and Gawker, as well as the part owner of Emily Books. She is also author of the memoir, And the Heart Says Whatever. With her first novel, Friendship, Gould turns her eye toward the spectacle of female adulthood friendships.

For years, Bev Tunney and Amy Schein have faced New York City together. They met while working in low-level publishing jobs. But they became best friends when Amy moved into her tiny Brooklyn apartment below the BQE, and Bev stopped by to keep her from feeling lonely. Read more “Friendship” at bhammag.com.

Birmingham Batch

batchThese days it seems you can get anything delivered to you via mail. Monthly boxes of makeup, clothes, pet treats and more are all the rage. But Nashville-based company Batch twists the idea in favor of promoting a city’s local artisans. Each box includes food, beverage and other items, locally made. Read more “Birmingham Batch” at bhammag.com.

Get in on the Secret

secretBirmingham’s discovery music festival returns the first weekend of August, when music fans will again take to downtown venues to hear music from their favorite and soon-to-be favorite bands. The 2014 Secret Stages lineup includes 60-plus bands spread across seven stages: Das Haus, Pale Eddie’s, M Lounge, Matthew’s, Harold and Mod (all ages stage), Miller Lite Outdoor Stage on Morris Avenue and the VIP lounge at Parthenon Event Center. Read more “Get in on the Secret” at bhammag.com.

Meet Birmingham magazine Account Executive David Phipps

David PhippsDavid Phipps gained plenty of sales experience before he came to Birmingham magazine, most notably at Black & White. And so this University of Montevallo grad was a natural addition to the Birmingham magazine team when he joined in June 2014. David lives in Highland Park with his calico cat. Read more “Meet Birmingham magazine Account Executive David Phipps” at bhammag.com.

Meet Birmingham magazine Editorial Intern Morgan Taylor.

University of Alabama journalism student Morgan Taylor is spending her summer as part of the editorial team at Birmingham magazine. Morgan’s background already includes experience with The Tuscaloosa News. Got a question for Morgan? Email her at mtaylor@bhammag.com. Read more “Meet Birmingham magazine Editorial Intern Morgan Taylor” at bhammag.com.

From reviewer to author

Muscle Shoals Sound Studio coverI was recently part of a group of readers who were assessing recent reads and recommending a variety of books. A dozen people curled themselves around cups of coffee in the second-story nook of my local bookstore, eager to hear what upcoming books the booksellers would suggest.

Some of those gathered—including me—were equally excited to share the best books we’d read lately. But as the conversation grew more analytical, I was taken aback by a realization: Soon, readers could be assessing my book. Read more “From reviewer to author” at bookpage.com.

And then, of course, there’s this: Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music

Want more? Visit my “What I’m writing” Pinterest board.

The big city calls and your daughters are smiling in the windows of apartment buildings

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

As we took in the sound of Gabe Witcher’s bow dancing across the strings of his violin and Greg Garrison’s carefully chosen plunks of the bass chords, I was overwhelmed again by Punch Brothers’ debut album, “Punch.” When I reviewed the album at the time of its 2008 release, I spent six weeks obsessing over it before putting it aside for three months. The music is absorbing, and I needed a beat away from its introspective content.

I had wanted to play this album for my boyfriend since we began dating two years ago; he’s an audiophile and a classical music fan. I knew this album would sound fantastic on his speakers, and I suspected the composition, which takes cues from classical music and jazz, would grab his attention.

After the recording ended, I noted that my interest in attending Alabama Symphony Orchestra performances–particularly the masterworks series–was likely influenced by this album, and most certainly by its primary composer, Chris Thile. Before meeting Put, I attended a handful of ASO special events. But I had never been to what I thought of as a “proper” symphony performance. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it, but I wanted to find out. (Put took me to hear the ASO perform one of Tchaikovsky’s symphonies during our first few months dating. I’ve been hooked.)

In other words, “Punch” was a game changer for me. But it certainly isn’t the only album that holds that distinction. Caedmon’s Call’s “40 Acres” was the first album to make me realize sometimes the best songs aren’t on the radio. It took a while for it to click, but “Abbey Road” was the album that kickstarted my Beatles fan-dom. I don’t know what made me hear the album differently than the first five or six times I played it, but once it made sense, I couldn’t get enough.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I know I’m not alone. I want to know: Which albums have been game changers for you?

Today’s subject line comes from Punch Brothers’ “Blind Leaving the Blind: Third Movement.”

It’s release day for “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music”

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

It’s been more than a year since I decided to tackle this project, and yet it still doesn’t quite seem real. Tonight we’ll launch “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music” with a book signing at Alabama Booksmith. In the meantime, take a peek at reviews of music recorded at Muscle Shoals Sound and stories about the studio on my Muscle Shoals Sound Studio Pinterest board. Hope to see you tonight!

Follow Carla Jean Whitley’s board Muscle Shoals Sound Studio on Pinterest.

Five days till “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music” debuts

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

20140716-214235-78155400.jpgThanks to Weld for Birmingham for including my Alabama Booksmith signing in this week’s calendar of events! It’ll be the debut of “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music,” and I’m excited for that day to finally arrive.

You can find copies of Weld, a great weekly newspaper, in 400 locations all around Birmingham. (PS Weld’s editor, Nick Patterson, recently published a book of his own. Look for “Birmingham Foot Soldiers” wherever books are sold.)

CITY_SCENEThanks, also, to The Birmingham News’ City Scene for including my signing in last Friday’s paper. I’ll confess, seeing my name in print hasn’t gotten old, even after 10 years in this field and even after working at that very paper. The Birmingham News is published Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays and is widely distributed throughout the metro area.

 

 

I must be traveling on now ’cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

We’re one week from the debut of “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music,” and I can hardly wait! I’m also excited to share the book’s most recent press coverage. Alec Harvey, the managing producer of entertainment, dining and travel at Alabama Media Group, asked me to share my favorite songs recorded at Muscle Shoals Sound Studio. It was a challenge, and I couldn’t stop at my original list of five (so you get a bonus song!). But here’s the fun thing: You can listen to these and other songs yourself via the Spotify playlist below. I’d like to know, what are your favorite examples of the Muscle Shoals sound?

Carla Jean Whitley knows a lot about Muscle Shoals.

For the past year or so, the managing editor of Birmingham magazine has been researching and writing her first book, “Muscle Shoals Sound Studio: How the Swampers Changed American Music.”

The book, a history of the famed recording studio in northwest Alabama, details the many superstars who have recorded there, the songs they sang, and, of course, the Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section, a group of studio musicians better known as the Swampers. Read more “‘ Muscle Shoals Sound Studio’ author details her favorite songs recorded there” at al.com.

Today’s subject line comes from Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird,” which was originally recorded at Muscle Shoals Sound Studio. Learn more about the studio 

This INFJ has a dirty little secret

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I’m in the process of becoming trained as a yoga teacher, and the nine-month-long training includes writing a number of papers. I’ll post them here because, well, that’s what I do. The fourth writing assignment was a reflection on a month of practicing yoga at home. Our instructor asked us to practice three days a week for at least half an hour each time. We were to move on our own, without videos, books or apps to guide us.

Set an intention for your practice. Focus on the breath. Warm up the body. Sun salutations. Standing poses. Inversions and arm balances, if I feel like changing it up. Seated poses. Cool down. Savasana.

The rhythm of a yoga practice has become comforting, whether I’m in class or on my own. There’s plenty of room for creativity within this loose pattern, but even a loose structure helps me find my way as I stretch and move around my mat.

I would have guessed that transitioning from one pose to another could be challenging, but as I’ve spent more time in home practice I’ve realized that my body and mind both know what makes sense. I’ve spent enough time in yoga classes to have some idea of what flows. Likewise, as I’ve worked to establish a home practice without any outside guidance, I’ve discovered that half an hour isn’t much time to spend in yoga. I can barely get through a standing sequence before it’s time to start winding down.

The real discovery has come off the mat: I’m undisciplined.

When I shared this revelation, my roommate was skeptical. “You’re plenty disciplined,” she said. “Or maybe you’re just more disciplined than me.”

True, I’ve got a Type-A personality. I’m able to focus and accomplish a lot, and frequently I can do so in a short timeframe. That’s precisely why I didn’t recognize my lack of discipline before. I’m able to put on blinders to isolate myself from the rest of the world and peck away at a task until I’ve accomplished what I must.

But so much of this is based on what I want to do, what’s fun to me. Writing a book qualifies. Managing my budget does not. Sleeping until my alarm rings for the third time is decadent. Climbing out of bed and onto my yoga mat doesn’t sound so tempting, at least not before I’ve had my first cup of coffee.

It’s been hard to identify the rhythms of my life and where a regular home practice fits within them. So far, that has meant an erratic schedule but satisfying yoga; even if I spend 15 minutes in supta baddha konasana followed by 15 minutes with legs up the wall, I feel peaceful and challenged. And those lessons are following me into the rest of my life, as I begin taking steps toward building discipline, even while yoga brings me freedom.

Am I what I read?

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

In “The Polysyllabic Spree,” Nick Hornby writes, “All the books we own, both read and unread, are the fullest expression of self we have at our disposal. … But with each passing year, and with each whimsical purchase, our libraries become more and more able to articulate who we are, whether we read the books or not.”

It’s an arguable point, but one I identified with immediately. My bookcases are stuffed to overflowing with books I haven’t yet read, and I’m always acquiring more. I’m admittedly, unabashedly a book hoarder.

Sometimes those piles of books paralyze me. I’m so excited by the choices that I can’t decide what to read next. That’s been the case quite often in recent months, and even more so since I returned from Book Expo America; a tidy pile of advance reader copies now lines one wall of my bedroom.

It’s not just that I can’t decide what to read first. If only things were so simple! I’ve also run out of space in which to store all of these books. I have books in my living room, books in my kitchen. I’d store books in my bathroom if there were only a bit more space. I tuck books into the nooks of my secretary-style desk, and I pile books artfully on the shelves of end tables.

There’s a method to my madness, with genres sorted by room and shelves. But my bedroom is now out of control. The bookcase holds Alabama books and writing books, and my most treasured books top my dresser. But I’ve got borrowed books tucked beneath the head of my bed, and books I intend to mail to my nephew at the foot. (Books meant to be mailed to Mom are in the backseat of my car, because who needs logic?) Recent acquisitions were perched atop and nestled beside my typewriter, but that space has overflowed. Now, they’re stacked between my dresser and the wall and, as I’ve mentioned, lining one wall of my room.

I know it’s a bit crazy, but I’ve made my peace with the disarray. If it’s good enough for Nick Hornby, it’s good enough for me.

These are the books I’ve acquired in the six weeks since and including BEA.

  1. Dangerous by Susan Fast
  2. The Objects of Her Affection by Sonya Cobb
  3. Straight White Male by John Niven
  4. Liberty’s Torch by Elizabeth Mitchell
  5. The Walled City by Ryan Graudin
  6. What Do You Do with An Idea? by Kobi Yamada (Read it, loved it, glad he gave me a copy for my nephew, too.)
  7. On Immunity by Eula Biss
  8. Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talleh
  9. We Are Not Ourselves by Matthew Thomas
  10. Neverhome by Laird Hunt
  11. King Dork Approximately by Frank Portman
  12. The David Foster Wallace Reader
  13. Reunion by Hannah Pittard
  14. The Story Hour by Thrity Umrigar
  15. The Great Escape by Andrew Steinmetz
  16. The Giver by Lois Lowry
  17. The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace by Jeff Hobbs
  18. Epilogue by Will Boast
  19. Letters to a Birmingham Jail
  20. Soldier of Change by Stephen Snyder-Hill
  21. File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents by Lemony Snickett
  22. Chakra Meditation by Swami Sadadananda
  23. Mo’s Mustache by Ben Clanton (Read and ready to send to my little nephew!)
  24. Rain Reign by Ann M. Martin
  25. This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper
  26. So We Read On by Maureen Corrigan
  27. Terminal City by Linda Fairstein (Picked up for my aunt, still sitting in my bedroom. Oops.)
  28. The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton
  29. Fire Shut Up in My Bones by Charles M. Blow
  30. The Republic of Imagination by Azar Nafisi
  31. The Secret Wisdom of the Earth by Christopher Scotton
  32. Goodnight June by Sarah Jio
  33. Wild Idea: Buffalo & Family in a Difficult Land by Dan O’Brien (I actually had to leave my copy at BEA because I couldn’t carry any more books, but I re-acquired it at Church Street’s Book Hangout last week. Hurrah!)
  34. The Elements of Style Illustrated by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White (Purchased at The Strand)
  35. Writers on Writing (Purchased at The Strand)
  36. Love, Loss and What I Wore by Nora and Delia Ephron (Purchased at The Strand)
  37. Only As Good As Your Word by Susan Shapiro (Purchased at The Strand; this was the one book I bought that I didn’t set out to find. What a happy surprise! I have enjoyed Susan Shapiro’s work in the past, and while on the flight to New York I read a Writer’s Digest article that mentioned her.)
  38. Still Writing by Dani Shapiro (Purchased at The Strand)
  39. The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta (I found this in a freebie pile at the office–we receive more books than we can possibly write anything about–and snagged it because the commercials for the new HBO show had been creeping me out. I’m about halfway through and intrigued.)
  40. Your Fathers, Where are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever? by Dave Eggers (Also found in the freebie pile in the office. I’m intrigued by Eggers and I would, of course, like to have a career in which I too can write across a variety of genres and find success.)
  41. My Conference Can Beat Your Conference by Paul Finebaum (SEC! SEC! SEC!)
  42. The Public Library: A Photographic Essay by Robert Dawson (A library book, but one I’m likely to end up purchasing for myself.)
  43. The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon by Brad Stone (Also a library book, but worth mentioning.)