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And you people wonder why I donโ€™t update more often than I doโ€ฆ

Friday, October 3, 2003
{my “day off”}

6:30 A.M. – Hit snooze
6:39 A.M. – Hit snooze
6:48 A.M. – Attempt to bounce cheerfully out of bed. At least manage to get out of bed and into full upright position.
6:49 A.M. – Time to get ready
7:20 A.M. – Crap. I don’t know where I’m going this morning. Get online to find directions.
7:40 A.M. – Grab a granola bar and hit the road.
8:00 A.M. – Escorted to journalism class by a CHS student. I don’t think I’ve ever been the racial minority before.
8:05 A.M. – Spend almost two hours assisting journalism class with newspaper
10:00 A.M. – Home. Check email, schedule appointments to meet with professors for a class project.
11:00 A.M. – Is it only eleven? I’m wiped. Naptime.
12:00 noon – Hit snooze
12:09 P.M. – Dang it. Reluctantly roll out of bed. Check email. Change away message – “I don’t wanna do homework!”
12:20 P.M. – Lunch
1:00 P.M. – Time to hit the libraries
1:30 P.M. – Search Reading Room for materials related to history research paper
2:30 P.M. – Read journalism education resources; take notes for writing summaries
3:00 P.M. – Read history article; search library for history paper materials
3:45 P.M. – Laugh as I walk down the library steps, which are serving as a makeshift stage for an ambitious actor
3:47 P.M. – Take a breather as I walk to my car; this is college life.
3:50 P.M. – Graham calls; accept assignment for newspaper story
4:15 P.M. – Final library stop of the day
4:20 P.M. – Read yet another history chapter
4:50 P.M. – Reward myself with carmel apple cider and purchase coffee creamer at Target
5:15 P.M. – Check email; learn that I need to spend tomorrow in Monroeville, AL. Must do homework.
5:30 P.M. – Eat dinner, watch Friends
6:30 P.M. – Write papers
7:30 P.M. – Write papers while watching second half of Miss Match
8:00 P.M. – Write papers
10:00 P.M. – Print papers
10:15 P.M. – Reward self by reading latest Entertainment Weekly on front porch; realize that even my leisure time is consumed with work. Such is life in the media. Swoon over Josh Lucas photo.
10:45 P.M. – Discuss innie, outtie, and in-betweenie belly buttons with Alisa.
10:50 P.M. – Get ready for bed
11:00 P.M. – Bore you with this entry
11:45 P.M. – Set alarm clock for 8 A.M. – I get to SLEEP IN tomorrow. And then drive.

Yes, yesterday’s post was infinitely better. But now do you realize why I can’t write daily?

Jack of all trades, master of none

Subtitle: A real update, because they’ve been quite foofy as of late ๐Ÿ˜‰

That phrase has been rattling around in my mind for quite some time now – in fact, dating back to my college graduation. It’s been torturing me with its taunting words, implying that while I’m quite good at a number of things, nothing that I do is stellar.

This week, I’ve overcome that demon.

As it happens, I do have a varied set of interests. I love football, but I’m not so knowledgable to be a commentator (much less a player!) Those of you who read this site regularly have noticed my passion for music – but those of you who spend time with me “in real life” know that I can’t sing, play, or write. I briefly toyed with the idea of a career in interior design. I love the stuff. I’ve even suffered mocking for my “idea notebook.” ๐Ÿ™‚ But again – I’m not that good. I’m an excellent cook, but not a gourmet chef. You get the picture.

This is a story about my triumph, not my shortcomings, so I’ll get on with the story.

The conclusion that I’ve come to is that this is why I’m a journalist. Because of my love for all of these things, I’m capable of writing an article about them. I’m an excellent researcher and a darn good interviewer (if I do say so myself!), and these skills allow me to get to the heart of the subject matter. I’ve been told that I have a grace to my writing; at least several of y’all list that as the reason why you repeatedly visit this site. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Besides all that, I’ve realized over the past year or so that I love to learn.

Stop laughing, Heather. Seriously – grad school has done wonders for me. I’m just as picky as I ever was, but after almost 18 years of education, I now know that I enjoy learning if the topic’s right.

So there you have it – I’m a journalist, and I love it. Deadlines stress me out, but they’re moments that I thrive on. I love seeing my name in print, and I take pride in my work. I’ve seen marked improvements in my writing this semester. My interviews have gone from very matter-of-fact to drawing out the meat of my articles. In short, I’m growing.

Somewhere along the way, I also decided to grow up. ๐Ÿ™‚ Moving to Alabama did a lot of that for me. When it’s time, you know it – perhaps in a way similar to how people claim you “just know” when someone is “the one.”

Really, what defines a “grown up” anyway? Relevant Magazine once pointed me to a study that reported that most Americans consider the age 26 to be a signifier of this milestone. “Good,” I thought to myself. “I have four years before I have to stop saying ‘when I grow up.'”

My friend Scott, on the other hand, argued that both he and I are already “grown ups.” Neither of us have reached the ripe old age of 26 (though he’s only months away). But in his opinion, we’re there – or at the very least, he is. We’ve both graduated from college, and he has (what I like to call) a “real” job. I’m working towards a master’s degree – that’s also a rather “adult” thing to do.

Of course, Scott also explained to me, “I’m grown up, but I think when I’m married, I’ll really be grown up.” I laughed. What if I never get married – will I never be a grown up? What if I get married when I’m forty – does it take that long to become an adult?

For me, the marking point in becoming a “grown up” has been moving over five hundred miles away from my parents. Though I’ve been living apart from them for four years, I still had a solid support system at Florida State. It was almost as though I never ventured out on my own. Though I developed many new friendships, I entered with the safety net of people that I knew from high school. I made a move toward independence, but it was in baby steps. That was what I needed then. Not so now.

I’m twenty-two, mature (most of the time ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), single, and on my own. This is the time to explore life and chase dreams – and I’m doing just that. I love it.

In that, I’ve begun to find my niche. I’m preparing to apply for summer internships and I’ve been beefing up my portfolio (which now looks quite professional, thanks to a sassy number from Office Depot.) I’ve been refining my writing skills. In fact, I’ve even begun to enjoy my research. I’ve become quite the little adult.

Still, I retain a few child-like qualities. I’m young, and I relish that. I feel like an adult as I write this. My hair and make up have been styled, I’ve been up since 6:30 A.M., and I’m writing in what I hope is a coherent fashion. But I look down and I’m reminded of my youth. My feet are propped on a camping chair, and googly eyed pig socks are smiling back at me. My cup of coffee and I are quite content in my front porch rocking chair on this Thursday afternoon. My weekend has begun.

Even that weekend retains traces of my newfound adulthood, though. After I finish sharing my thoughts with you, a lengthy to-do list will become my master. I’ll be forced back into the process of maturation – but I intend to enjoy each minute of it.

Today, this is what my life is about. I’ve been brought to this front porch in small-town Alabama with great purpose in mind. While I work, I’ll dream a little, realizing that I’m becoming the woman that God intends me to be.

Random thoughts

I love October. I smelled autumn in the air for the first time today. ๐Ÿ™‚ It is currently colder outside than it is in my apartment, so I’m sitting in bed with my bedroom window open to the evening air.

(Alisa, don’t read this till after you’ve watched Ed.)

So I was watching the season premiere of Ed last night, and his awkwardness in his newfound relationship with Carol got me thinking. I haven’t had a boyfriend or been on a date in four years. Am I gonna be fumbling around like that when I find someone?

I’ll admit, it’s a somewhat unfounded fear. But I do think it’s a tad logical – it’s weird to go from being single to being with someone, right?

My tummy hurts.

Metrosexual? I’ll pass.

Things you can tell about her just by looking

I hope you can read the text on each of these pictures. I can, but I have good eyesight. I don’t know about anyone else. But Shutterfly automatically shrinks stuff. So, y’know.


View from my recliner
Daisies: A touch of girliness without overdoing it
Quilt: nostalgia and another girly touch (hints of pink are good. TONS of pink is not.)
White walls on the other rooms: My bedroom is my personal sanctuary


View from my trashcan
Providence Canyon: Loves nature
Homemade frame: Frugal ๐Ÿ™‚
Lots of pillows: Loves to be pampered
Open window: Appreciation for a gorgeous day


View as you enter the room
Old recliner: A space for relaxing or for company
Teddy bear: A cuddler ๐Ÿ™‚
Laptop: This here’s a high-tech redneck
Bedspread: Appreciation for heritage


View from my bed
Photographs: Loves beautiful things. Enjoys artistic ventures. Creative.


A hidden corner
Flowers: Enjoys unique souveniers
Textbooks: Doesn’t like to stare at her work – but DOES like to keep it convenient


View from the hidden corner
Pictures of friends: Loyal. Loves those close to her.
Body pillow: More fluffy comfort ๐Ÿ™‚


View from the dresser
Pillows in recliner: Likes color and interest
Window treatment: Makes a house a home
Pictures: Romanticized ideas of the wild wild west


View from the window (looking in, not out, obviously ๐Ÿ™‚ )
Stereo: Music plays an important role
John Mayer CD: Keeps latest obsessions handy
Dried roses: Romantic
Mail waiting to go out: Forgetful ๐Ÿ™‚
Mirror: Crafty

Lord, Iโ€™m coming home to you

Confession: I skipped tonight’s Alabama football game.

I know – that’s so unlike me, little miss rabid football fan. I spent a tearful hour alone in my bedroom before deciding to give away my ticket. I just couldn’t face 83,000 screaming fans tonight.

I’m homesick.

It’s funny that football season has been the amplifier of those feelings. I miss my friends, and I was reminded of how much during last week’s game. I stood lonely in the student section of Bryant-Denny, reflecting on how my evening would look if I were instead at Doak Campbell.

Rather than quietly applauding for every successful block, I would be celebrating with my closest friends. Instead of smiling to myself after a touchdown, I’d be trying not to get knocked over by the jubilant gentlemen around me. And (ironically?) I would be chatting everyone up about Alabama’s hard fought battle against Oklahoma. I instead spent the evening striving to keep tabs on my alma mater’s score.

Several months ago, I realized a fundamental difference between the cities of Tallahassee, Florida and Tuscaloosa, Alabama. People love me in Tally; here, I am liked (at best).

I love the area where I live, and I’m content in my classes. I know that this is the place where I’ve been called to for this time of my life. I accept that, come what may.

But part of what has come is this: I feel as though I’m expected to fit into a mold here. I can’t be crammed down. I simply don’t fit.

I’m not a teetotaler. I didn’t “grow up in the church,” and I haven’t walked consistently with Jesus since I was nine years old. Additionally, I’m not a prissy sorority girl, and I don’t buy all of my clothes at Gap (and higher level stores). I don’t wear heels with my jeans.

At Florida State, I wasn’t only accepted for who I am – I was encouraged to find out who CJ is and to embrace her! I grew up at FSU. Leaving the people who spurred me on to that growth is hard.

Now I’m learning to grow apart from my support system. You wanna know what? I’m making it.

But I sure hate when it costs me a football game.

Did I mention I love this job?

My biggest accomplishment this week: Interviewing Ryan Newell, lead guitarist of Sister Hazel

CJ: You guys got your start in a college town. How did that help or hinder your career?
RN: Helped ‘ especially in SE, when we were coming up as a band, there was a real community of people who wanted to hear original music, and that started out in the whole college scene. When people went out to see bands, at that point, they elected to see original bands that had their own material, buy their independent CDs, build a fan base. College students tend to listen to music that’s not all over the CD, so that really helped us out.

CJ: To date, you still play a lot of college towns. Why is that?
RN: I think we still have a connection with the college scene. Even though we’ve had radio play and videos and stuff, I still think there’s definitely an underground community of fans that still like the band. They come to multiple shows ’cause our shows are different from night to night. We tend to improvise and we don’t play the same set. We still have the indie credit we used to have. Actually we’re an indie band again, so we go where people want to hear us basically.

CJ: How are college towns different than venues in bigger cities?
RN: Fortunately we have a chance to play all over the place. I think the main difference in college towns is that obviously most of the people are younger. In the big cities, you get the whole range of people ages 20 ‘ 12- 60 coming to our shows. Usually in college towns, it’s ages between 18 and late 20s, so it tends to be a little bit more wilder.

CJ: Advantages? Disadvantages?
RN: Both are great environments to play, we just love to play in front of people ‘ whoever comes, comes. We don’t really have a preference one way or the other.

CJ: Why do you play Tuscaloosa, in particular, as frequently as you do? (This is the second time within the six months that I’ve lived here!)
RN: I think it’s a combination of both ‘ we play year round, so we play everywhere a lot. It’s not really one place in particular ‘ we are playing and playing and playing, that’s what we do for a living. That might seem like a lot if you’re sitting in Tuscaloosa, but keep in mind that we’re doing that all over the place. We certainly have a spot in our hearts for the se, ’cause that’s where the band came from, and it’s certainly fun to come back to those towns. We’ll play the SE more than the rest.

CJ: I have to ask, since y’all are from Gainesville. Are you big Gator fans?
RN: Huge Gator fans (except drummer ‘ who likes the Hurricanes.)

CJ: How have y’all progressed as a band over the years?
RN: Musically ‘ I would say anytime you’re in a band for almost ten years with the same people, you really start to tune into everybody’s gifts and what they bring to the table, and I thinkw e have definitely defined our roles in the band. Things seem to work a lot smoother in the studio. We’ve grown as musicians from playing show after show after show. We know what works as a band and what doesn’t We’re technically better on our instruments, our songwriting is better. Just like anything else, the more you do it, the better you get at it. We’re at the top of our game at this point.

CJ: How was the recording experience different, now that you’re independent again?
RN: We actually, recording our second major label record, we went out to LA, had a big budget, big producer, and we started to over-think the record. We ended up scrapping almost half the material at the beginning of that recording session just ’cause we were over-thinking things and coming up with a sound that wasn’t really true to who we were. Halfway thru the recording that record, we decided that how we sound best in the studio is setting up the instruments and playing live, trying to create the best vibe possible with all of us playing together. We applied that to our studio experience from then on, and that’s how we recorded Chasing Daylight. That’s how we sound best ‘ we go in and we try our best to get a live concert vibe going.

CJ: What is your favorite song that y’all have recorded?
RN: There’s something special in each song we’ve recorded for me ‘ sometimes you wake up wanting to hear easy listening ‘ depends on what you ate for breakfast, if you’re in a fight, if you’re in love ‘ each song brings out different emotions, different from day to day. I can generalize ‘ I’m proud of the way ‘Champagne High’ turned out, ‘Best I’ll Ever Be’ on Chasing Daylight ‘ let’s see ‘ ‘Hopeless’ on Chasing Daylight ‘ really, like I said earlier, there’s parts of each song ‘ that’s like asking you to pick your favorite child.

CJ: What’s in your CD player right now?
RN: Jeff Buckley ‘Grace’ ‘ amazing CD

CJ: What should someone who has never seen y’all before expect on Wednesday night?
RN: Um, I think they can expect a band that doesn’t just play songs from top to bottom ‘ we try to change our set up a lot, improvisation in the middle of the songs (not every single one, but y’know, we try to keep a certain portion of the night spontaneous so it’s not like we’re just repeating same show) see us take chances, see the intimacy of the singer-songwriter type songs, played by a high octane rock band. So you’ll have everything from intimate acoustic moments to electric excitement.

CJ: Will you be playing mostly new stuff, or a mix of stuff from all of your albums?
RN: We certainly play a mix of our stuff, we definitely try to cover most of our records. But the records that we just recorded, we tend to play a little bit more off of those.

Love your wives as Christ loved the church

This is an excerpt from my journal on August 31. I know I’ve been rambling about love a lot lately. It’s been on my mind a lot, courtesy of upcoming weddings. Don’t count on these thoughts fading just yet – I’m reading Wild at Heart now, too.

Sweet Jesus – Your relentless pursuit of me is beyond incredible. It bewilders me.

I love that You’ve given us marriage as a picture of Your love for us. I want to experience that – but I want to experience it as the analogy of our relationship with you that it is meant to be.

So often I reduce my view of marriage to a self-serving institution. I want someone to keep me company and to baby me when I’m sick. I want affectionate expressions, and I want to be told that I’m beautiful.

What’s amazing is that – someday – I may have a physical manifestation of all of that. But I’ll only be blessed with such a gift to help me better understand how You love me.

I have all of those things already. You shower me with Your affection daily. Sometimes I choose to look away in disbelief – just as I may when a man echoes Your sentiments.

Your love is greater than my doubt.

Your pursuit of me is why I must allow myself to be pursued in relationships. To take the reigns of romance into my own hands is to destroy the gorgeous analogy You long to draw out for me. The man is the leader because You have chosen him to be equated to You in this depiction. I am to be pursued as the church. You’ve gifted us accordingly.

Someday, Jesus. I pray he’ll make my heart more fully Yours.