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Holiday surprises

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

A glass of wine as I unwind… laughter and bathroom humor around Thanksgiving dinner… a mini shopping spree with Mom… an empty spot at the dinner table… 21 pages of history on my laptop… and an email announcing a professor’s death… a heart to heart with Dad… watching my brother play video games… running into old classmates from high school… Thanksgiving isn’t always what you’d expect it to be.

Obedience, not feelings

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

This morning marked my first church visit in almost a month. I’ve missed the past three Sunday mornings for various reasons – pretty good reasons, actually. But in spite of those valid excuses, I’ve been struggling with a reluctance to attend church. My experience with the last church I regularly attended left me bitter and scared. I felt like I had allowed myself to be vulnerable and was only burned by the experience. I didn’t want to try again.

But I’ve lived long enough to know that what I want and what I need don’t always line up. I need the fellowship that the body of Christ provides. Though I read and study the Bible in my own time, I need the biblical teaching as well. Often, I need the call to worship – I forget how important it is to focus my attention on Jesus alone.

It was nice to sing along with a bunch of strangers in Sunday school this morning, and to appreciate the choir in the worship service. The sermon wasn’t the hardest hitting teaching I’ve been exposed to, but the pastor’s words encouraged me to be thankful for my blessings. During both the Sunday school lesson and the sermon, I found myself flipping through my prematurely worn-out Bible, searching for relevant scriptures.

Yeah, it’s a good day. 🙂

And it’s you I see but you don’t see me

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Mmmm. It’s been ages since I’ve spent a weekend alone. Chris Martin is crooning at me from my television set as the rest of the band provides background. A bottle of my favorite “low carb light beer” is perched atop my history notebook – an able coaster while I pause from this paper. (Lest you think me an alkie, it’s one drink. Any more than that when I’m alone leaves me worrying about myself. 😉 ) The aforementioned notebook is kept company by a host of library books. A stack of some 50-odd magazine and newspaper articles will soon join the party. My apartment is hoppin’ tonight. 😉

Though this weekend promises to be slow, I think sometimes sacrificing a good time in favor of something else is worthwhile. For one, it’s not often that I have the apartment to myself at night. I don’t miss it, really, but I feel that I should take advantage anyway. A little CJ time never hurt anybody!

More importantly, my intent is to invest my weekend in schoolwork. Yeah, I’m a stick in the mud. But besides authoring a brilliant paper that will examine the characteristics of journalists at the turn of the 20th century, I’m freeing myself up for the next week.

On Tuesday evening, I’ll arrive in Jacksonville, Florida. This will be my first trip home in four months. I’d say it’s about dang time! Until now, I’ve never missed Jacksonville. When I moved away in August of ’99, I never looked back. Then, my only regret was that I was still in state. Now, I’m counting the days till I head back. Bring on that “wretched little town”! 😉

I’ve grown quite a bit in the past four months. I was reflecting on this earlier today, and realized that I could probably utter those words after any given four month period and they’d be just as true. Still, this is a natural time for reflection. I’m not the same girl today as I was the last time I was in Jacksonville – nor do I think I’ll be the girl I am now on my next visit.

Growth is a beautiful thing. (And on that note… back to the history paper.)

When she says she wants somebody else, I hope you know she doesn’t mean you

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Old patterns are hard to break. I’ve been challenged to revamp some of mine lately, and it’s been an interesting process.

Take my study habits as an example. Though not a genius, I’m a rather intelligent girl. I breezed through high school with a GPA worthy of scholarships and honor societies. I may have studied a total of five hours during my years there. College years found me at Florida State, where I quickly learned that many of my advanced placement high school classes were more challenging than my college coursework. I graduated in three years with little effort and plenty of play.

That attitude is no where to be found now. A weekend away from the books is a special treat and requires advance planning. Time management skills must be honed. I guess I’m preparing for the “real world.” 😉

Similarly, my interactions with others are under scrutiny. A friend called me on my mind games recently. I’m such a girl, and I know that I play games. (I admitted as much in that conversation.) Since then, I’ve been mindful of those games. My inclination is still to beat around the bush on a couple of issues. I’m adjusting my way of thinking – slightly! – to another. After all, it can be fun to joke around – I think sarcasm is really the sixth love language. 🙂

Let’s not forget the aforementioned football loyalty struggle. I won’t readdress it, but it does merit similiar attention.

All of this reminds me that life is constantly changing. I wonder if there comes a point when that statement will no longer ring true. After I’ve “settled down,” will life retain this element of insanity? Will I be bored if it does not? The answer awaits down the road, I suppose.

Florida State, Florida State, Florida State… who?

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I am one conflicted woman. I considered praying about this decision, but I think that might be taking it too seriously. 🙂

This has been a difficult football season. Alabama has won only four games to date, even after holding some mighty fine teams to small spreads. Florida State looked to be making a national championship run until they tripped up against Clemson. Let’s not even turn attention to the NFL – my Jaguars have had it rough!

The players and coaches aren’t the only ones dealing with changes. Even at this point in the season, I’m still adjusting to attending a different football school.

I didn’t approach this year with high expectations, at least so far as the number of victories was concerned. On the other hand, I anticipated an entirely different football experience than what I’ve had.

You see, I’ve been a fan of Alabama football for as long as I can remember. Even before I understood and appreciated the sport, I knew that victories for the Crimson Tide meant good things in my household. My daddy was known to award $20 bills to my sisters and I after a successful Iron Bowl. The gift of choice for that man has always been an Alabama t-shirt for his birthday and often a sweatshirt for Christmas.

It is with this mindset that I dubbed Florida State my #2 as I became a Seminole in 1999. The university was my back-up in case none of the others worked out – and they didn’t. I mourned the decision for a night and then turned toward the future with determination. I made up my mind that I would make the most of my years at FSU – and I did.

The three and a half years (and four football seasons) I spent in Tallahassee, Fla., were the best I’ve experienced to date. I won’t try to encapsulate all that I experienced during those years, because regardless, you won’t be able to appreciate those memories. I imagine that anyone who has lived through their own four year college experience can relate. Those memories are not quick to fade.

Football played a significant role in those years. As a freshman, I watched my team win their second national title. I can’t imagine a better cap to an amazing first semester. After toliet papering property of 26 guys the night before, I was barely able to keep my eyes open as we played Duke in 2000. It was at a football game that I hid my disappointment at being rejected by a boy. My final game before moving to Alabama was the 2003 Sugar Bowl. We anticipated a loss going in, but the weekend in New Orleans was worth it.

FSU set the bar high. Though Seminole tradition isn’t as established some fans may think, four hours in Doak Campbell is time well spent.

I’ve found that I’m not always able to say the same of Saturdays in Bryant Denny.

I haven’t regretted any of the games that I’ve attended this season, but the experience doesn’t begin to compare to years past. It isn’t because we’ve walked away from many of those games defeated, nor is it a lack of enthusiasm for a losing team. Just the opposite is true – I’ve been impressed by the dedication of fans. On the evening of the first Alabama loss I witnessed, the student section was still three-quarters full as the team ran off the field. The players were serenaded with “Yay Alabama!” as they headed into the locker room. Fans waited through the rain delay to watch the Tide lose to Arkansas in overtime. There’s no lack of spirit.

Still, I’m struggling. My enthusiasm for the team that I’ve supported since childhood is waning in favor of the school where I spent some of the best years of my life. I’ve been fiercely loyal to Alabama throughout the years… but now I’m considering relegating them to my number two.

Is that wrong?

Be careful with me – I’m sensitive, and I’d like to stay that way

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

You wanna talk defense mechanisms? I’ve got ’em.

I like to think that I’ve progressed quite a bit in recent years, but I know they’re still there. It still doesn’t take much to rouse them.

For example, if I’m feeling insecure, you better watch out. I’m likely to turn sarcastic and perhaps even more competitive than usual in an effort to protect myself. If I’m afraid that you’re going to blow me off, I’ll probably put you in your place before you get the chance.

I was reminded of this particular idiosyncracy earlier this week. I don’t know why, but sometimes I talk a big talk. I’m little miss trash talker during the football season (and frequently out of season!) You better watch what you say about Alabama or Florida State football around me, because I’m not going to take it lying down.

Still, sometimes I grow tired of this little charade. Scrappy though I may be, I’m a girl. I hope never to be “just one of the guys,” though that’s a fear I harbor when it comes to talking ball with the boys.

Football, therefore, can pull out those defenses I still harbor. I don’t like to be wrong, and I don’t like to be out talked in a mud slinging session. I should bow out gracefully like the little girl I still am. Instead, I’ll work my feminine wiles or my football knowledge for all they’re worth (or worse still, a deadly combination of the two!)

I’m a mish-mash of idiosyncracies. Some find that lovable; others find it annoying. Take your pick.