Blog – Page 52 – Carla Jean Whitley

Like two bitter strangers

Posted on May 28, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

Though I joke that my bachelor of science in communication truly was a degree in B.S., I learned a few interesting tidbits. My favorites came from interpersonal communication – which, coincidentally, was my emphasis area.

For example, did you know that most people tend to find themselves attracted to and date people of about the same level of attractiveness? I wish I had taken note of the exact statistics and the source, because I find that intriguing. It makes sense, though: I rarely go for guys who I feel are a great deal more attractive than I. They intimidate me. It may be even easier to understand that I am seldom attracted to guys who are not as good looking as me. (Yes, that sounds stuck up, but let’s be honest! If you’re not attracted to a person at all, are you really going to date them? That statement indicates nothing about my opinion of my own appearance, thankyouverymuch!)

After learning that, I started to pay closer attention to couples. Most of them look like a matched set in some way. For some, the extent to which they look alike can be scary – it’s almost like they’re related! But even when it’s not that obvious, some people just look like they’re meant to be together.

I relayed these bits of information to my roommate the other night. I sort of joke to myself that you should be able to determine if someone is your mate by whether or not you make a matched set, but I’m fully aware that isn’t reality. I was reflecting on this tonight as I observed an engaged couple who defies this rule. That’s not a reflection of their relationship; I hardly know them. They simply don’t strike me as a matched set.

My point? Well, I’m not sure if I have one. I guess it’s not as easy as walking up to someone on the street and telling them that you’d look fantastic together. 😉 But I do wonder – when (if) I get married, will I find look at us together and laugh at how obvious it should’ve been from the start?

One of my favorite couples!
See Anna & Jeff? They make sense together!

This perfect moment will soon be leaving me

Posted on May 26, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

I sighed as I pushed open the sticker-covered door for a final time and stepped out into the bright sunlight. Blinking, I turned toward the crosswalk and walked toward my car.

After tonight, Vinyl Solution will exist only in the memories of Tuscaloosa music enthusiasts. I’ve only lived in the city for a year, but the store quickly became my favorite. I stumbled upon it during the early stages of the Great CD Collection Improvement of 2003. Vinyl contributed a number of important discs to my collection.

It was there that I found 1000 Kisses (one of my favorite CDs by one of my favorite musicians) for a measly $8.99. On a hot August afternoon, I hobbled out of the store with Hootie and the Blowfish and the Indigo Girls in hand. Dave Matthews’ solo effort wormed its way into my world after Vinyl offered it for $11. This afternoon, I made Garbage’s Version 2.0 (once a victim of the Great CD Clean Out of 2000) mine again. Thanks to close-out prices, the brand-new CD was $4.50.

What does that say to you, other than that I’ve got an uncanny ability to recall which CD I purchased where and when? Well, it might be evidence of the good times I associate with that hole-in-the-wall shop on The Strip. CD buying is a loner’s sport, and most of mine has been conducted accordingly. I’ve spent hours browsing the racks at Vinyl and other local stores. During a stretch of employment last summer, I allowed myself a CD a week as a reward for hard work. My favorite Sunday afternoons included a cup of coffee, a book and eventually a walk to the CD store. I’ve even got a picture of the shop hanging on my bedroom wall.

The store’s demise is allegedly due to on-line music downloads. Need a reason to obtain your music legally? Owner George Hadjidakis is a great place to start.

The aforementioned picture hanging in my bedroom

I can’t resist a Romeo in a sombrero and chaps

Posted on May 24, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

I once dated a guy who made ocassional references to “the dream.” The pieces of his personal dream that we discussed were mostly football-related; that was part of what I liked about him. (Yes, I am a Southern woman, thankyouverymuch.)

“The dream” is different for everyone, I suppose, but I would reckon that most people could offer insight into theirs upon request. I’ve watched my own dream evolve over the years. While I grow as a person, the dream has been altered to incorporate those changes.

When I was in high school, my dream was to become a big-shot New York Times reporter. (I’m not sure why – I’ve never been much for news reporting. I think the appeal was rooted in the notoriety associated with the paper.) I wanted a fancy Manhattan apartment, because of course I’d be able to afford it on my salary. I’d be a busy career woman with no time for romance. In my high school daydreams, I figured I would date now and then, but never find a man worthy of eternal devotion. I didn’t think I was capable of falling in love; my cat would be the primary receipient of my affection. Nieces and nephews would satisfy any mothering instincts I might acquire.

I had no interest in children until I worked as a photographer at Sears Portrait Studio during my senior year of high school. Suprisingly, my time dancing and squeaking in order to coax pleasant expressions from babies changed my heart and subsequently the dream.

Beginning with my first year of college, I longed to become the stereotypical Christian housewife. I planned to go on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ where I would eventually meet Mr. Right (of course). After I gave birth to my children (three by age 30), I would entertain girls from the ministry in my house instead of being on campus full time. I would prepare an elaborate meal before my husband’s return home every night. Because this was the dream, it made sense to me to lure a man into my arms with baked goods. (My friend Apryl once discussed this philosophy of mine with Candace Bushnell. Bushnell said I would never get a man if I kept mothering them. I was mildly offended at the time, but now I think there is some truth to her words. I also think it’s hilarious that Bushnell has discussed my love life.)

Today’s dream is a blend of those two extremes. I’m very career-minded. Journalism is on my mind during at least 30% of my waking hours. I look forward to launching what I hope will be a very successful and fulfilling career, though I also hope it never leads me to the Times as anything but an entertainment or feature writer. (Relevant and Paste are much closer to the front of my mind.) I’d like to make my way to an editorial position eventually, though I don’t know if the title “editor-in-chief” is calling my name. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I think it’s important that my work be a reflection of my faith (though not necessarily evangelical in nature).

I’d like to remain within driving distance of college football games – or better yet, SEC or ACC games. That doesn’t necessarily mean I want to live near my alma maters, but I’d like to be near a town where they would play every other year. Speaking of culture, I’d like to be in a city large enough to offer some options. I love Birmingham in part because it draws a fair number of concerts, a respectable Broadway series and offers other cultural experiences.

One reason I’d prefer that city not to be New York is because I want to raise a family in a more suburban area. I’m not in the same hurry to get married as I was when I was an undergrad. I once told a friend that I’d like to be married by the time I was 22 (yeesh!), but my preferred age is now closer to 30. I’m not sure how many children I’d like (which is just as well, since I don’t exactly have a husband to consult), but I’m inclined to say no more than two. I want to “leave a legacy” by raising children, but I don’t want to give up writing either. (Freelancing sounds like a good option to me… but we’ll see.) Oh, and unlike the CJ of years past, I have no interest in fulfilling the “Campus Crusade for Couples” plan of finding a man on a summer project. I hope not to “pull a Joyce” and come back with a future spouse, but then, we know how that worked out for her. 😉 (And by the way, you really should check out that link. It is HILARIOUS.)

I say all this today fully realizing how much my dreams have changed with time and how they may continue to change as I continue to grow. Maybe I’ll never get married, or maybe I’ll end up ditching journalism and going into vocational ministry. (Okay, I don’t anticipate the latter, but God only knows what the future holds.) I don’t spend much time daydreaming about the future. Instead, I focus my energy in preparing for said future.

The journey’s half the fun. 🙂

Just for Alisa, because she makes fun of me for including pictures with italicized text. You can tell in this picture that I was moving away from dream #2, the Crusade housewife.

Make a desperate move or else you’ll win

Posted on May 21, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

I’ve been living a transient lifestyle since I graduated from high school in 1999. (Yes, next month marks five years. That’s hard to believe!) A year and a half is the longest I’ve lived in one place since I moved out of my parents’ house in August of that year. Over the course of the past five years, I’ve had 12 roommates and I’ve lived in at least eight different places. I’m convinced that, someday, I’ll settle down and live in one place for an extended period of time.

That day is not now.

I’m moving again for the fall semester; in an effort to save (lots of!) money, I’ll be living with my grandmother in Birmingham. Of course, since I’m leaving for the summer in two weeks (!), I’ve got to pack all of my stuff and schlep it to a bedroom 60 miles away.

Much as I didn’t want to, I started packing this afternoon. If you didn’t already know that I’m quirky (and how could you miss that?!), my packing habits will clear that up. I always spend forEVER packing, because I’ve got to be organized before I can move stuff. I started with the storage containers under my bed, and I’ve spent the last couple of hours deciding what needs to go to Goodwill, what needs to be thrown away and what I never should have owned in the first place.

That, my friends, is today’s discovery. It’s embarrassing enough that I ever owned the following items – but why, oh why, have I held onto them for all these years?

Oh my word.

And it’s not me Not my sanctity

Posted on May 20, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

I’m a rather finicky, opinionated person. I know this. It’s not one of my best traits, though it is one way that my passion (for life, for grammar, whatever) shines through. I try not to express my opinion in a way that disgraces another, but I don’t always succeed. Sometimes I’m far too argumentative about something that doesn’t much matter. (And hey, no need to confirm that – I already know it’s true, thanks. 🙂 I’m trying to improve.)

Consider yourself warned.

I don’t particularly like the words “secular” and “religious.” They’re buzz words that catch my ear. When I hear them, I prepare to filter the hyper-Christian culture from whatever is said. That mindset isn’t always a relevant one, but that has become my first instinct in such situations.

Why do we separate the secular from the religious? Can they really be separated? I have a hard time thinking so.

I encounter this idea most often in regard to music. I don’t think secular is necessarily the best word to describe an artist or a song, simply because they aren’t marketed primarily to a Christian audience. In fact, I would say it’s usually not the best descriptor. My favorite band is a great example of this. Nickel Creek is a band of three Christians, but you won’t hear their songs on a Christian radio station. (Heck, in Alabama, you won’t hear them on any radio station!) Is their music secular because of that? I don’t think so. Their songs are God-glorifying, regardless of who’s listening.

That idea applies to my daily life, as well. I’ve chosen not to pursue a career in vocational ministry. It’s quite likely that I won’t end up with a job at a Christian publication. Even so, I strongly believe that my work should bring glory to my creator. My faith plays a role in everything I do, even in moments when I choose to overlook it. I hope that’s evident, at least to some degree, to everyone who knows me.

For what it’s worth, if you ever want additional insight into the “spiritual” reasons that I am so passionate about journalism, you ought to check out this book. I am constantly pimping Tim Downs’ Finding Common Ground to anyone who asks what my favorite book is, because it’s the best book about evangelizing I’ve read.

Stop trying to figure it out, deep will only bring you down

Posted on May 20, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

Over the past month, I’ve been rolling an idea around in my head: sometimes failure is easier than success.

I’ll admit that idea doesn’t always show itself in the form of failure, per se. You could substitute “settling” for “failure” with the same result. It may have been easier to go on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ when I graduated from college instead of choosing a different career path. It was easier to kick off my graduate career at the same university I’d been attending for years instead of entering a risky field elsewhere. Conversley, it was scary to drop out of grad school in favor of living with my parents and praying about my next step. I thought I was crazy – and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one! – when I moved to Alabama halfway through a semester to prepare for another academic program.

Though I’ve only two classes remaining in my chosen major, there are still days when I worry I’ve made bad decisions. Journalism is an extremely competitive field; can I hack it? Is my skin thick enough to absorb the countless rejections that I’ll receive (indeed, have already received)? Do I have the talent and drive that it will take to be a success?

The answer is simple. I don’t know. All I know is I’ve got a passion for writing that feels almost as deep-seeded as Jeremiah’s fire in his bones. I may prove unsuccessful in this career, but all I know is that I must try.

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a (red dirt, kudzu consumed) cliff. Scratch that – I’ve already taken a tentative step forward. Small and uncertain as it is, that step has sent me falling quickly toward a new destination. I see the safety net at the bottom, but it’s not a job or promise of financial prosperity. Instead, Jesus is blocking my view of those things. I don’t know what hides behind him. But I do know, even as my heart leaps into my throat, that he will catch me.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

The night wants to kiss you deep And be on his way

Posted on May 18, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

Tonight I’m in the mood to have a boyfriend.

I don’t know what brought that on, but as it’s become a fairly rare wish, I thought it worthy of mention. I’m not sure when I became so anti-swoony in my attitude toward men. I wasn’t always this way, and I’m afraid it will take nothing more than “Mr. Right” to snap me out of it.

I received my share of condolences this weekend as I attended yet another wedding as a single woman. The funny thing is that I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I don’t pity myself! I’m 22, reasonably attractive and content with my place in life. (Okay, I’m not content with the student loans, but besides that…) I don’t want to be married right now.

Okay, so that’s due at least in part to the lack of interesting, available men around me. I’ve decided that I won’t do much dating in Tuscaloosa. In my year here, I’ve met one man with potential and that didn’t happen.

Sure, there’s plenty of other reasons, most of them logical in nature. But you know what I realized? I don’t want to be identified as “so-and-so’s girlfriend” or “so-and-so’s wife.” I’m CJ, I’m my own person, and I like it that way, thankyouverymuch.

I know, I know. I shouldn’t be caught up in other people’s opinions of me. I can’t let others define my identity. But I’ll be frank here. I know I tend to label some of my friends’ significant others as nothing more than that. We’re getting to the point where we’re far enough separated that I don’t really know the husbands and boyfriends of even my closest girl friends. The stories I’m told and my brief interactions with them help to flesh out the storyline, but in my mind they’re still supporting characters.

More than anything, I don’t want to identify myself as “so-and-so’s girlfriend.” Second to Christ, my opinion about myself is the one that matters most. I never want to find my identity wrapped up in another human being. It should come first from Jesus and second from my personality and interests, I think.

These are probably good realizations to have when I’m (momentarily, temporarily ;)) wishing for a man in my life. I told a friend the other day that I think I’m becoming more self aware… and part of that awareness is realizing potential and current weaknesses. Step two is relying on Christ for strength and change. Even as this fleeting desire begins to pass, I’ve got to keep my eyes turned heavenward.

And there’s a rare bit of public spiritual reflection for you.

Man! I feel like a woman!

Posted on May 17, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

Today I was challenged to explain what makes southern culture distinctive. It’s a challenge I’ve been issued several times before, and it’s one that is particularly difficult to answer. That level of difficulty is substantially higher when the person questioning has never been to the states in question.

I didn’t provide a complete answer today, but I did offer one piece of information: Southern women, on the whole, wear significantly more make up than the rest of the country.

No, I can’t explain why we do that. Perhaps it’s something of a southern belle mindset. But I’ve noticed that, although I coat my face in more products than many of my Floridian (and other non-Southern) friends, I look bare-faced compared to many of the girls on my campus. And man, have you ever hung out with Mississippian sorority girls? They make me look positively naked!

It’s no secret that I’m a bit of a high maintenance princess. I do my hair (mousse and wax) every day, and my full face goes on every morning. My battle gear includes concealer, foundation, powder, blush and/or bronzer, several shades of eye shadow, eye liner, mascara and lip liner/stick/gloss/all of the above, in that order. The day’s agenda has little effect on this regimen. On a day like today, when I only leave the house to make a grocery run, I might skimp on the eye make up or coat my lips with Chapstick alone. Night events demand touch ups and sometimes a different eye look entirely. (My next make up purchase will be liquid liner, but for now, I’m just wearing the pencil a bit thicker.)

Fellas, if you claim that you don’t like women who wear make up, you might want to stay out of my region. If you prefer southern ladies who don’t wear make up, I know a grand total of two beautiful women to whom I could introduce you. (And one of them is a transplant!) But if you’re into women who take pleasure in playing up their features with a variety of colors and textures, consider a move to the south. We primp and preen, but some of us (ahem, me) tend to do it more for our own enjoyment than for your attention.

Take that for what it’s worth. 🙂

This weekend, I treated myself to several make up purchases, including an eye duet (Jungle) from my Mary Kay lady. This is my new green daytime look – light green over the entire lid and up to the brow, dark green in the crease and green eye liner above and below the lid. And yes, I did spend plenty of time today contemplating the success of this look.

That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it

Posted on May 12, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

My “online, not a real person ’cause he’s an internet boy” friend Adam told me the other day that I should post in my blog daily. “It’ll increase your readership,” he said. I told him that readership is not the reason I write here. It’s more something that I do for myself than it is something I do for you.

Sure, there are times when I hope for a reaction from y’all. (That’s the aim of most of the “mushy love” posts!) But more than anything, this little Web site is a place for me to vent. I write all the time – for the newspaper, for class, for magazines, in my journal. Those each have their places in my life. The first three are more structured, and the last is waaaay more private.

When I’m pontificating on my ideas about the world and the life I lead, I like to do it in a somewhat well-written manner. I may not always accomplish that, but it is my goal. Maybe that means decreased readership. It obviously means not posting every day. But for me, that’s the purpose this little page serves… and I kinda like it that way. 🙂

CHEESE!
And just for kicks, a fun picture.

I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee

Posted on May 10, 2004 by Carla Jean Whitley

The hoops betrayed me last weekend.

Apparently they have a mind of their own. I wasn’t in a flirtatious mood when I went out last Friday night, but I wore them anyway. I was in the mood to look my best, and a pair of dangly earrings was in order.

But what were the only appropriate earrings I could find? You got it: my biggest pair of silver mood indicators. It seems the earrings put out the vibe whether I do or not!

There’s a boy who has set his sights on me, and the best explanation I can offer is to blame it on the jewelry. So you know what I did?

I went shopping two days later and purchased six pairs of dangly, non-vibe inclined earrings.

Ladies and gentlemen (and here, I’m mostly just concerned with the gentlemen): the plot thickens. I’ll report how the non-hoops work out for me.

Dangerous!