And you people wonder why I donโ€™t update more often than I doโ€ฆ

Friday, October 3, 2003
{my “day off”}

6:30 A.M. – Hit snooze
6:39 A.M. – Hit snooze
6:48 A.M. – Attempt to bounce cheerfully out of bed. At least manage to get out of bed and into full upright position.
6:49 A.M. – Time to get ready
7:20 A.M. – Crap. I don’t know where I’m going this morning. Get online to find directions.
7:40 A.M. – Grab a granola bar and hit the road.
8:00 A.M. – Escorted to journalism class by a CHS student. I don’t think I’ve ever been the racial minority before.
8:05 A.M. – Spend almost two hours assisting journalism class with newspaper
10:00 A.M. – Home. Check email, schedule appointments to meet with professors for a class project.
11:00 A.M. – Is it only eleven? I’m wiped. Naptime.
12:00 noon – Hit snooze
12:09 P.M. – Dang it. Reluctantly roll out of bed. Check email. Change away message – “I don’t wanna do homework!”
12:20 P.M. – Lunch
1:00 P.M. – Time to hit the libraries
1:30 P.M. – Search Reading Room for materials related to history research paper
2:30 P.M. – Read journalism education resources; take notes for writing summaries
3:00 P.M. – Read history article; search library for history paper materials
3:45 P.M. – Laugh as I walk down the library steps, which are serving as a makeshift stage for an ambitious actor
3:47 P.M. – Take a breather as I walk to my car; this is college life.
3:50 P.M. – Graham calls; accept assignment for newspaper story
4:15 P.M. – Final library stop of the day
4:20 P.M. – Read yet another history chapter
4:50 P.M. – Reward myself with carmel apple cider and purchase coffee creamer at Target
5:15 P.M. – Check email; learn that I need to spend tomorrow in Monroeville, AL. Must do homework.
5:30 P.M. – Eat dinner, watch Friends
6:30 P.M. – Write papers
7:30 P.M. – Write papers while watching second half of Miss Match
8:00 P.M. – Write papers
10:00 P.M. – Print papers
10:15 P.M. – Reward self by reading latest Entertainment Weekly on front porch; realize that even my leisure time is consumed with work. Such is life in the media. Swoon over Josh Lucas photo.
10:45 P.M. – Discuss innie, outtie, and in-betweenie belly buttons with Alisa.
10:50 P.M. – Get ready for bed
11:00 P.M. – Bore you with this entry
11:45 P.M. – Set alarm clock for 8 A.M. – I get to SLEEP IN tomorrow. And then drive.

Yes, yesterday’s post was infinitely better. But now do you realize why I can’t write daily?

Jack of all trades, master of none

Subtitle: A real update, because they’ve been quite foofy as of late ๐Ÿ˜‰

That phrase has been rattling around in my mind for quite some time now – in fact, dating back to my college graduation. It’s been torturing me with its taunting words, implying that while I’m quite good at a number of things, nothing that I do is stellar.

This week, I’ve overcome that demon.

As it happens, I do have a varied set of interests. I love football, but I’m not so knowledgable to be a commentator (much less a player!) Those of you who read this site regularly have noticed my passion for music – but those of you who spend time with me “in real life” know that I can’t sing, play, or write. I briefly toyed with the idea of a career in interior design. I love the stuff. I’ve even suffered mocking for my “idea notebook.” ๐Ÿ™‚ But again – I’m not that good. I’m an excellent cook, but not a gourmet chef. You get the picture.

This is a story about my triumph, not my shortcomings, so I’ll get on with the story.

The conclusion that I’ve come to is that this is why I’m a journalist. Because of my love for all of these things, I’m capable of writing an article about them. I’m an excellent researcher and a darn good interviewer (if I do say so myself!), and these skills allow me to get to the heart of the subject matter. I’ve been told that I have a grace to my writing; at least several of y’all list that as the reason why you repeatedly visit this site. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Besides all that, I’ve realized over the past year or so that I love to learn.

Stop laughing, Heather. Seriously – grad school has done wonders for me. I’m just as picky as I ever was, but after almost 18 years of education, I now know that I enjoy learning if the topic’s right.

So there you have it – I’m a journalist, and I love it. Deadlines stress me out, but they’re moments that I thrive on. I love seeing my name in print, and I take pride in my work. I’ve seen marked improvements in my writing this semester. My interviews have gone from very matter-of-fact to drawing out the meat of my articles. In short, I’m growing.

Somewhere along the way, I also decided to grow up. ๐Ÿ™‚ Moving to Alabama did a lot of that for me. When it’s time, you know it – perhaps in a way similar to how people claim you “just know” when someone is “the one.”

Really, what defines a “grown up” anyway? Relevant Magazine once pointed me to a study that reported that most Americans consider the age 26 to be a signifier of this milestone. “Good,” I thought to myself. “I have four years before I have to stop saying ‘when I grow up.'”

My friend Scott, on the other hand, argued that both he and I are already “grown ups.” Neither of us have reached the ripe old age of 26 (though he’s only months away). But in his opinion, we’re there – or at the very least, he is. We’ve both graduated from college, and he has (what I like to call) a “real” job. I’m working towards a master’s degree – that’s also a rather “adult” thing to do.

Of course, Scott also explained to me, “I’m grown up, but I think when I’m married, I’ll really be grown up.” I laughed. What if I never get married – will I never be a grown up? What if I get married when I’m forty – does it take that long to become an adult?

For me, the marking point in becoming a “grown up” has been moving over five hundred miles away from my parents. Though I’ve been living apart from them for four years, I still had a solid support system at Florida State. It was almost as though I never ventured out on my own. Though I developed many new friendships, I entered with the safety net of people that I knew from high school. I made a move toward independence, but it was in baby steps. That was what I needed then. Not so now.

I’m twenty-two, mature (most of the time ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), single, and on my own. This is the time to explore life and chase dreams – and I’m doing just that. I love it.

In that, I’ve begun to find my niche. I’m preparing to apply for summer internships and I’ve been beefing up my portfolio (which now looks quite professional, thanks to a sassy number from Office Depot.) I’ve been refining my writing skills. In fact, I’ve even begun to enjoy my research. I’ve become quite the little adult.

Still, I retain a few child-like qualities. I’m young, and I relish that. I feel like an adult as I write this. My hair and make up have been styled, I’ve been up since 6:30 A.M., and I’m writing in what I hope is a coherent fashion. But I look down and I’m reminded of my youth. My feet are propped on a camping chair, and googly eyed pig socks are smiling back at me. My cup of coffee and I are quite content in my front porch rocking chair on this Thursday afternoon. My weekend has begun.

Even that weekend retains traces of my newfound adulthood, though. After I finish sharing my thoughts with you, a lengthy to-do list will become my master. I’ll be forced back into the process of maturation – but I intend to enjoy each minute of it.

Today, this is what my life is about. I’ve been brought to this front porch in small-town Alabama with great purpose in mind. While I work, I’ll dream a little, realizing that I’m becoming the woman that God intends me to be.

Things you can tell about her just by looking

I hope you can read the text on each of these pictures. I can, but I have good eyesight. I don’t know about anyone else. But Shutterfly automatically shrinks stuff. So, y’know.


View from my recliner
Daisies: A touch of girliness without overdoing it
Quilt: nostalgia and another girly touch (hints of pink are good. TONS of pink is not.)
White walls on the other rooms: My bedroom is my personal sanctuary


View from my trashcan
Providence Canyon: Loves nature
Homemade frame: Frugal ๐Ÿ™‚
Lots of pillows: Loves to be pampered
Open window: Appreciation for a gorgeous day


View as you enter the room
Old recliner: A space for relaxing or for company
Teddy bear: A cuddler ๐Ÿ™‚
Laptop: This here’s a high-tech redneck
Bedspread: Appreciation for heritage


View from my bed
Photographs: Loves beautiful things. Enjoys artistic ventures. Creative.


A hidden corner
Flowers: Enjoys unique souveniers
Textbooks: Doesn’t like to stare at her work – but DOES like to keep it convenient


View from the hidden corner
Pictures of friends: Loyal. Loves those close to her.
Body pillow: More fluffy comfort ๐Ÿ™‚


View from the dresser
Pillows in recliner: Likes color and interest
Window treatment: Makes a house a home
Pictures: Romanticized ideas of the wild wild west


View from the window (looking in, not out, obviously ๐Ÿ™‚ )
Stereo: Music plays an important role
John Mayer CD: Keeps latest obsessions handy
Dried roses: Romantic
Mail waiting to go out: Forgetful ๐Ÿ™‚
Mirror: Crafty

Lord, Iโ€™m coming home to you

Confession: I skipped tonight’s Alabama football game.

I know – that’s so unlike me, little miss rabid football fan. I spent a tearful hour alone in my bedroom before deciding to give away my ticket. I just couldn’t face 83,000 screaming fans tonight.

I’m homesick.

It’s funny that football season has been the amplifier of those feelings. I miss my friends, and I was reminded of how much during last week’s game. I stood lonely in the student section of Bryant-Denny, reflecting on how my evening would look if I were instead at Doak Campbell.

Rather than quietly applauding for every successful block, I would be celebrating with my closest friends. Instead of smiling to myself after a touchdown, I’d be trying not to get knocked over by the jubilant gentlemen around me. And (ironically?) I would be chatting everyone up about Alabama’s hard fought battle against Oklahoma. I instead spent the evening striving to keep tabs on my alma mater’s score.

Several months ago, I realized a fundamental difference between the cities of Tallahassee, Florida and Tuscaloosa, Alabama. People love me in Tally; here, I am liked (at best).

I love the area where I live, and I’m content in my classes. I know that this is the place where I’ve been called to for this time of my life. I accept that, come what may.

But part of what has come is this: I feel as though I’m expected to fit into a mold here. I can’t be crammed down. I simply don’t fit.

I’m not a teetotaler. I didn’t “grow up in the church,” and I haven’t walked consistently with Jesus since I was nine years old. Additionally, I’m not a prissy sorority girl, and I don’t buy all of my clothes at Gap (and higher level stores). I don’t wear heels with my jeans.

At Florida State, I wasn’t only accepted for who I am – I was encouraged to find out who CJ is and to embrace her! I grew up at FSU. Leaving the people who spurred me on to that growth is hard.

Now I’m learning to grow apart from my support system. You wanna know what? I’m making it.

But I sure hate when it costs me a football game.

I only wanna be with you

There are certain things in this world that bring an added bounce to my step (when I’m not on crutches, that is!) There’s a vibrant red flower growing beside the walkway to my apartment. I can’t help but smile as I hobble past it. As I walk the halls of Reese Phifer, I can glance out the window at Bryant-Denny stadium. Magic. The crispness of the Alabama air as autumn moves in finds me breathing a contented sigh. But none of these (some of my favorite things) are what’s on my mind this evening.

Sunday afternoons also have that mysterious charm about them. Even in the heat of summer, I love to stroll along the riverbank, silently thanking the Creator for the many ways He reveals Himself. Perhaps then I’ll enjoy the brief drive to my favorite coffee shop. Computer and/or notebook in tow, I’ll often huddle into myself at the second table from the door. Between sips on the day’s beverage, I’l try in vain to capture my delight with words.

After many grins shared with the other patrons and a casual survey of the way the early evening light spills onto the stage, I’m off again.

Less than a block away, a treasure trove lies in waiting. Still rejoicing in the day, I’ll meander toward a store so revered that its likeness can be found on my bedroom wall.

I step through the doors and I’m greeted by the cashier. He sits atop his stool behind a counter cluttered with discs and magazines. Lost in such a publication, he won’t look up again until his assistance is needed.

I mentally recall my “to buy” list before I flip through racks of used music. My goal is to come out of here no more than ten dollars poorer. (I don’t always succeed – this week, both Hootie and the Blowfish and the Indigo Girls followed me home.) I’ve never left without finding something I wanted, whether I purchase it or not.

After making small talk with the clerk, I slip behind the wheel of my new car. I slide the CD in and sink back into the soft leather. The goal is to lose myself in the music, exploring ebvery instrument’s nuances and projecting myself into each emotion.

I want to soak up all I’m able. The process will repeat itself within weeks, leaving with me new friends to understand.

Williams, AZ

As the coastline slipped away, miles of desert stretched out before us. In a small coupe pointed north, we pressed on into the dry heat that enveloped the car.

With carmel frappucinos in hand, we turned eastward. “Wilmington, NC 2,445 mi” – a site we wouldn’t see in the near future. While cacti and desloate mountains passed by our windows, cool summer afternoons on the Atlantic were only a fantasy.

Even still, spirits soared inside that hopeful Honda. Two pairs of eyes darted about, soaking in the ever-changing landscape. Eventually semi-arrid desert gave way to something greener and more vibrant. The land was calling us home.

Our hearts were lifted upward as we reached the evening’s stopping point. A quaint town centered on a historic road offered to house us. We accepted graciously as its people and its environment welcomed us.

Wandering from shop to shop, we noticed that strains of music filled the air. Every restaraunt offered a live performer. Where gaps may lie between diners, locals enlivened the streets. Five women gathered beside a pick up, singing and dancing as one pounded on her Martin six string. Across the block, an authentic Civil War band provided a free show. The city’s charm was unavoidable.

–Williams, AZ 080203

Honeysuckle memories

Windows down, I accelerate as I merge my Camaro onto US82. Sunshine and springtime fill the car as I fly toward my destination. The familiar fragrance of honeysuckle fills my lungs as I inhale deeply. With a single breath, I’m whisked back to my childhood. Though my body remains in this lovely March afternoon in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, my memory takes me sixty-seven miles northwest and some seventeen years into the past.

While my parents look on from a distance, my sister and I rush to the fence at the end of the driveway. Springtime always announces its arrival with a mass of honeysuckle vines that act as a dressing for the plain chain link fence they rest upon. Birds and insects may crave the sweet nectar of these flowers, but they’ll have to fight to obtain it. At 525 Rollingwood Road, two small girls stand among the flowers, their grins large as they feast on one of nature’s delicacies. I breathe in and memorize the scent of spring chasing away the winter cold. Years may pass and circumstances may change, but when honeysuckle fills the air, I’ll always be taken back to this spot.