Can I call myself a journalist if it’s only temporary?

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Well I sure hope so…

’cause I GOT A JOB!

No, I don’t know when I start. I have to take a drug test first (I haven’t had one of those since high school!) and they said they’d like me to start ASAP. I don’t really know when that’ll be, so I’ll get back to you on that one. 🙂

I’m filling in for the health & religion writer at a nearby newspaper while said reporter is out of the country. (That means an average of four articles per week from start date until June 17, which is my last day of temporary employment.) There is a possibility of being kept on full time after this temp work ends, but I’ll let you know whether that works out come June.

And um, that’s all for now. Questions? Comments? Suggestions? I’ll come back with a REAL update… sometime.

I got years to wait around for you

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Before I graduated, someone told me that job hunting is like dating. I told her I hoped the analogy would break down, because I suck at dating.

Turns out she’s right.

Instead of dropping off with desperation, my standards have gotten higher as I peruse job listings. I would rather be single unemployed er, work at Starbucks than settle for the wrong job. People tell me that I need to chill out, that it’s not for the rest of my life… but I don’t want to settle for something I strongly suspect will leave me miserable.

I overthink the hiring process in the same way I analyze dating. It’s been x amount of time since they called. Surely they’ll call today! I jump whenever the phone rings. I consider carrying the phone in the bathroom so I’ll hear it from the shower. (No I haven’t done that for a boy–but I know women who have.) I check my email obsessively–maybe they’ll show interest that way. It’s very much like having a huge crush on someone who is only vageuly interested in me.

As the days continue to pass, I quit making excuses for them. It must be me. I’m the problem. Were my ideas not engaging? Maybe I came across as an airhead. What if it’s my age? It can’t be my age! I didn’t tell them my age!

Even as I obsess about every possibility (rereading my submissions and wondering if they googled me and found something they didn’t like), I remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with me. I can write, I can edit, I am capable. (I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and goshdarnit, people like me!) Maybe they have chosen to hire someone else, but that doesn’t change who I am.

Much like when a really great guy passes through my life, the standards have been raised. I’ve seen what’s out there. I now know it’s possible to find a position where I seem to fit, a position that evokes more than a lukewarm, “yeah, I can do that” response. It’s not worth settling for a marketing job or a loosely journalism related position that pays pennies. I might have to serve lattes to make it in the meantime… but I can do that.

But you know, when they notify you that they’ve hired someone else… it’s a lot like being dumped. This application process lasted almost as long as most of my relationships, and the ending isn’t all that different.

Sleepy sweet home Alabama, roll tide roll

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

There’s a certain degree of uncertainty that comes with unemployment. (More accurately, there’s a degree of uncertainty that accompanies life in general. It’s simply more acute for the unemployed.) My days stretch out like a blank canvas—I’m not sure I have anything on my calendar between now and May 28. I’m waiting for someone—the unemployed’s job equivalent of “Mr. Right”—to come along and fill my days. But patiently waiting for my career to begin is, in some ways, every bit as frightening as dating.

I’ve got my eye on a specific position, and I’m more confident that we’re compatible than I’ve ever been about any man. The title is alluring, the salary is good, but more importantly, the work is just right. I know that I would be an asset to the company, but that I would grow professionally (and perhaps even personally and spiritually!) as well.

Though I fit better with this job opening than any man I’ve dated, just like with men, there are some scary bits. The possibility of flying across the country (or at least halfway!) is tantalizing. The fact that a job offer and my acceptance would pull me to that far away land semi-permanently is a bit like a daydream. It seems a fantastic idea, but also crazier than my most hare-brained schemes. After all, to date those plans have pulled me out of the south for no more than two months at a time.

My family, most of my friends and at least a portion of my identity are wrapped up in this land of oaks and magnolias, of fried catfish and sweet tea. Leaving them behind is hard to imagine.

But when it’s right, you know. And I suppose you do whatever it takes—be it move mountains or move to the mountains—to make it work. Rejection is very much a risk. “Mr. Right Job” could find another woman higher on his ladder. That’s part of the adventure of unemployment, and just like dating, that’s the risk I face.

But unlike dating, “Mr. Right Job” has a deadline. Bring it on—I’m ready for the results.

Something about the handwriting made me save every scrap

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
–The One with the Sharks

I’ve said before that the older I get, the more I relate to Friends. (That might explain why I watch at least six hours of the show a week.) One of tonight’s (many) episodes resonated on multiple levels. Maybe Joey was talking about confidence in his sex life… but just because don’t have one of those doesn’t mean I can’t relate.

Over the past nine days, I’ve doubted my ability in one of the things I’m best at: writing. When I received a critique from my professor on my master’s project, it was harsher than I anticipated. I began a massive revision of the project, and I think it’s going well. (I have until tomorrow evening to complete it, so we’ll see.)

But in the process, my very foundation has been shaken.

I have three near-complete articles waiting to be polished and submitted. I won’t graduate from the University of Alabama unless these rewrites are successful. After the events of the past week and a half, I no longer trust my ability to determine whether or not these articles are any good.

I fully agree with my professor’s criticism of the series. He offered useful advice. I think I’ve put that to use and transformed this from a ho-hum sophomore in college piece of work to a project fitting for a graduate student.

But what if I didn’t? I cried for over an hour the night I received his e-mail. I went to work the following morning feeling shaky. I’ve had bouts of anxiety ever since.

I’ve battled those fits in the only way I know how: through prayer. I sat in bed after a night of editing and rewriting and turned to one of my favorite chapters of one of my favorite books of the Bible. As I reread an oft-quoted passage in 2 Corinthians, truth hit me anew:

His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast, because when I am weak, then I am strong.

My worth isn’t found in my writing. (It’s a damn good thing, too—this entry will testify that I’m not always at the top of my game!) Performance doesn’t make or break me. I try so hard to have it all together, because I’m a perfectionist, because control is my pet sin. I think I’m doing well most of the time.

That’s a lie. When I think I’m strong, I’m at my weakest, because I’m ignoring my need for Christ. I’m overlooking how the gospel applies to my everyday needs.

When I admit that I’m fallen, I rely on Christ to lift me up. Maybe the series I’ve worked so hard to save will meet my committee’s standards—but maybe it won’t. That frightens me, almost to the point of indolence.

But look at how far He’s brought me. I reflected the other day on the path from Tallahassee to Alabama. I’ve seen God’s hand all the way. Who am I to think He would abandon me here?

(And yes, if you happen to be reading this and it happens to be sometime before, oh, 6:30 p.m. on Tuesday, November 30, and you happen to want to edit my stories… please say so. I’ll be forever grateful.)

Relevant is my blog

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I’m in a hurry to get things done…

…and as a result, I probably won’t be updating here for at least a week.

In the meantime, here’s a few reads to keep you busy. See? I have been writing–just not for you. 😉

Read all about the joys and tribulations of my job search

Learn how Derek Webb created one of my favorite “Christian” CDs.

Celebrate my love of all things coffee (well, except mochas–yech!).

Enjoy my ranting and raving about college football (and overlook a small factual error… I’m so embarrassed. To my credit, I did look it up beforehand… I just did a crappy job of verifying. OOPS! Doesn’t change the point, though…)

Stumble in the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

The countdown has been on all semester, but today it hits a special mark. I’m dropping to a number of days instead of months until graduation.

So, in 30 days I’ll cross the stage of Coleman Coliseum in celebration of my master’s degree. It’s true that I’ll have attained a level of education that exceeds the requirements of my field—and it’s possible that could be to my detriment at times. Indeed, you can find veterans of the profession who boast only a high school education. Though my degree has come at a high cost, I don’t regret it for a moment.

For all my excitement, I expect many of the next 30 days to pass slowly. I’ve completed my master’s project (though I’ve yet to convince anyone to purchase those 6,000 words for publication). The paperwork for my summer internship has been completed and submitted. My current internship is part time (and is nearing conclusion, itself). So as I told an inquiring friend earlier this week—yes, approaching graduation is exciting—but it’s also fairly boring.

My workaholic tendencies don’t help. I’m attempting to fill my five free days each week with writing, job hunting, f/Friends and volunteering. But truth be told, I long to return to 40 hour work weeks.

They laughed when I rushed through college in three years. “You have the rest of your life to work,” they said. “Slow down and enjoy this time.” They again cautioned me when I aimed to barrel through graduate studies (though for different reasons). “Don’t take on too much at a time or your grades will suffer.”

Turns out I was right all along—the working world suits me. Bring on the 8-5.

I want to cry like the rain, shine like the sun on a beautiful morning

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

In case what I wrote last made no sense whatsoever… I’ll let Tim Downs explain it for me.

A sower’s music might take many forms, but it would always possess two qualities. First, it would refuse to exalt or endorse any value that undermines a biblical worldview. A sower’s music would not, for example, lament the ultimate meaninglessness of life or extol the pleasures of casual sex. Second, a sower’s music, in form and content, would seek to undergird and strengthen a biblical view of life. It might praise the seeker of truth, or reflect on the beauty and design inherent in nature, or do any one of a thousand other things that are consistent with a biblical image of the world. On first hearing, it might seem to say little or nothing at all about God–directly.

“But that’s not Christian music,” some would complain. No, not if by Christian music you mean straightforward gospel music, music that attempts to harvest. This is music, as C.S. Lewis would say, with the Christianity latent. It’s an indirect communication that has tremendous potential for influence–over time. Imagine, as Lewis would say, if every time a teenager turned on a radio, the music he heard was not proclaiming a Christian message, but was simply consistent with a biblical worldview. Would that be of any value? Would it have any effect on the mind-set of the teenager over time? And could it have any effect on the way that teenager might one day respond to the direct appeal of a harvester?

Who could ask for more than to be living in a moment you would die for?

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

No ice, no flame
No place to stand
No one to blame
No ice, no flame
Rescue me, rescue me
From the inbetween
–Sandra McCracken

I’ve noticed a trend over the past few months. Everything has become “okay.” One week blends seemlessly into the next and the passage of time is the most remarkable quality of my days. I’m moving toward a goal, but the path has been bland.

I’m not alright with leading an “okay” life. My days haven’t been characterized with glaring sins, but my time has been filled with more socially acceptable ones. I’ve been coasting along at less than what God has for me.

Jesus said He came that we might have life and have it “to the full.” The cup of my life has not been running over.

What do I want my life to look like? I have learned over the past weeks that I don’t want to lead a self serving existence. That may be comofrtable, but it’s also boring and pointless.

Neither do I want to err on the opposite extreme. There was a time when I embodied the happy cheesy Christian image. I went through the ritualistic purging of my CD collection. (Sister Hazel, out. Jennifer Knapp, in. Limp Bizkit, out. FFH, in. Needless to say, these weren’t all wise decisions.) I bottled up my struggles because “God would take care of it.” Though that’s true, I wasn’t entirely real in my relationship with Him or with others.

During that period, I learned a lot and grew spiritually. But my focus was still inward in many ways. I think that may have been part of why I wanted to join staff with Campus Crusade. It may have helped me, to some degree, avoid the corporate power struggle that quickly makes me forget my faith.

Now, I want balance.

I’m re-reading my favorite book, Finding Common Ground: How to Communicate with Those Outside the Christian Community… While We Still Can (Tim Downs). In the chapter on Christians in the workplace he asks, “What in the world does a Christian auto mechanic look like?” His point is that the Bible doesn’t prescribe action points for each possible vocation, but as Christians, our faith should be reflected in our work.

So what does a Christian auto mechanic look like? Maybe he’d be like the gentleman at Firestone Tires who is helping me find a new wheel for my car. (Long story.) It isn’t this man’s responsibility to find me a part and save me a couple hundred dollars. All I asked him to do was put new tires on my car!

Moreover, what does a Christian journalist look like? My faith and ability may carry me to a publication that seeks to combine the two. But they may not, either. That doesn’t mean my faith is irrelevant to my work.

I’ve had some opportunity to see the two interact at my present internship. Recently I wrote an article about a ministry. In doing so, I was challenged to use language that did not betray my worldview while writing to a “secular” audience.

That’s a small example, but an easy illustration of how God works at my job. The words I use are read by tens of thousands; heaven forbid I inadvertently rule out the power of prayer in the ministry’s work by careless word choice.

Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you–maybe it would seem more logical with the story in front of you. Be assured that I am not abusing my position to evangelize the city. That’s not within the magazine’s editorial mission and would be sloppy “journalism.”

Instead, I see it as my responsibility to avoid contradicting the possibility of God with my words. I don’t think you would guess from the article that I’m a Christian. But neither do I think you’d conclude that I don’t believe in God.

So I’ve spent four paragraphs of your time harping on the selection of a single word in a magazine filled with thousands of them. My point is this: I don’t want to fly below the spiritual radar. I don’t want to be one of those people I always hear stories about–people who get so caught up in their car, house, family that those responisbilities consume them. I don’t want to live for God for an hour on Sunday and merely give Him lip service during the week’s remainder.

I want to see God’s presence and live for His role in my every move. I want to see Him radically change me and those I know.

That probably doesn’t demand going into Christian service as a full time vocation, in my case. It may mean devoting myself full time for a period of my life. (I’m still praying about that/playing with that idea.)

All I know is the Christian life isn’t meant to be bland.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10b

Workin’ nine to five

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Since I gave you an overview of my summer in my last e-mail, I thought I’d take this time to offer a better understanding of my job. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I’m a writer in the Global Communications office of Campus Crusade. But what on earth does that mean?

Essentially, I am working on a team to revamp the organization’s Web sites. This work is primarily concentrated on the new staff Web site, which will be launched in September. I have my hands in several projects right now, all of which are exciting:

1. Staff travel site: Dozens of corporate discounts are available to Campus Crusade staff for travel, but there is not a centralized location for this information. Over the past weeks, I’ve been gathering this information so that it can be made more readily available. This will save staff members considerable amounts of money, because travel is a big part of the job. That money can then be used more efficiently for other areas of ministry.

2. General Counsel’s Office site: Campus Crusade does have several attorneys on staff. Part of this site’s purpose will be to educate staff members and supporters about why this office is necessary and important. In that, I’ll also be writing profiles of each member of this staff.

3. New staff & senior staff (25+ years) profiles: Feature material will run on the new staff Web site, and this series will be included in that. It is our hope that these pieces will encourage staff members of all ages. Sometimes, it’s hard for the older staff members to remember the eagerness and enthusiasm they had when they were younger. Likewise, the new staff members have a lot to learn from those who have gone before them.

These are some big projects that are keeping me busy, but I am loving it! My dad was able to visit me at HQ this week and take an informal tour of the offices. It was awesome to see him and show off where I’ve been!