Chillin’ out, relaxin’, maxin’ all cool

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

On the whole, this has truly been an unremarkable week. I have done nothing that is really worth sharing. You could even argue that this week has been a waste of time. For the most part, I think I would agree.

Oh, but not tonight. Although my time has been spent lounging about my apartment, it has been time well spent.

Sometimes alone time is the most appealing option. (I’m fortunate that this has been the case tonight, as I didn’t have many other choices!) Indeed, I don’t know that I would’ve enjoyed the past six hours so well had they been spent doing anything but exploring the additions to my CD collection, reorganizing said collection, slowly turning the pages of my current novel, renovating my home on the internet, and jotting a few wayward thoughts down into my journal.

I’m so glad that I am my own friend. As such, a candle lit evening of solitude is delectable indeed.

You are not alone, I am here with you

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Yesterday I was starting to feel sorry for myself. After leaving a place where I was so connected to other people, it’s sometimes hard not to throw a pity party.

I’ve only been here for two months, and I’m not foolish enough to think that I should have developed life long friendships in such an expanse of time. The friendships that I do expect to carry with me to the grave took far longer than this to be cemented.

Still, it’s only natural to miss the kind of fellowship I once had. In Tallahassee, God really taught me the significance of bonding to others, particularly within the body of Christ. He pulled down the walls I’d built ‘ walls that I was so accustomed to that I didn’t even realize they existed. I began to allow people to step over those ruins and get a glimpse of my heart. Through His grace, I found friends who not only truly knew me, but loved me in spite of the insecurities and imperfections they saw.

I’m so grateful for modern technology! Even though each of those people is hundreds of miles away, our friendships persist. A quick phone call or a few written lines sent over the internet keep them near.

Maybe the friendships I make here will find their way to similar life-long status. Or perhaps the year I’ve got ahead of me will yield a master’s degree but little else. Regardless, I carry the knowledge that I am loved ‘ both by an indescribable Savior and by His people ‘ close to my heart. The longer I focus on that fact, the harder it becomes to keep a pity party intact. It might do me some good to dwell on it a while.

I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong ‘ that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith. Romans 1:11-12

I’m running and not quite sure where to go

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

So I’m sure that this won’t come across as artfully as it could, as I’m still battling a dizzy spell that swept in about half an hour ago. It settled in during my quiet time, which ordinarily would frustrate me. My time with God is never as satisfying to me when I’m sick, as I struggle to focus and my mind has trouble wrapping itself around anything remotely deep. Dizziness doesn’t help such a situation. Tonight, however, those road blocks didn’t get me down so much.

Lately, I’ve really been struggling with what direction my life is taking. That’s really been a theme of the past year – sometimes I look back and get upset with myself for the lack of progress I’ve made. But God is good, and He’s really taught me quite a bit through these trials. I was really questioning whether I wanted to go back to school at all last week, but I have come to the conclusion that I was (basically) running from commitment. That’s not an attractive quality, now is it? 🙂

I am a little frightened to say “this is what I’m going to do with my life” about a certain career or what have you. That’s a pretty big deal. But to continue running is immature and, quite honestly, spitting in the face of my God. He has created me to glorify Him, and refusing to do that by utilizing the gifts He has bestowed upon me doesn’t strike me as the wisest avenue to take.

So I’m praying. What are those gifts, and how can I best use them? (The struggle that has marked the past several years of my existence continues – who am I?) In doing so, I pull out a graduation card given to me by a dear friend just barely less than a year ago. I look up the verses that she gave to me, and again, God encourages me with His word.

My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.
Psalm 45:1

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:10