Faith

I don’t have anything profound to offer tonight. However, as it’s been quite a while since my last update, I figured I ought to present at least that.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know). More often than not, my thoughts have turned heavenward. I’m surrounded by people, but none of them know me yet on a very deep level. Some are headed in that direction; others will never approach that side of me. Regardless, almost every person I interact with has brought a challenge to my life.

I suppose that’s a good thing. Lessons are learned often as a result, and often from the most unlikely people. God has been gracious enough to use some of the people who frustrate me the most and situations that I abhor to challenge me.

Some of these lessons speak to me of positions that I maintain on various issues (Calvinism or Arminianism? To kiss or not to kiss? and so on), but the overriding theme is love.

Yes, when that bartender at work hits on me, my response should come in love. As I walk into a room where two girls are sharing their experiences of kissing other girls, my reaction ought to bear love. While people challenge my beliefs and act out in ways that I am strongly against, even still, love should cover all.

Sometimes this love doesn’t come easily. More often than not, it doesn’t come easily! But then, didn’t love lead to the ultimate sacrifice?

So I’m sure that this won’t come across as artfully as it could, as I’m still battling a dizzy spell that swept in about half an hour ago. It settled in during my quiet time, which ordinarily would frustrate me. My time with God is never as satisfying to me when I’m sick, as I struggle to focus and my mind has trouble wrapping itself around anything remotely deep. Dizziness doesn’t help such a situation. Tonight, however, those road blocks didn’t get me down so much.

Lately, I’ve really been struggling with what direction my life is taking. That’s really been a theme of the past year – sometimes I look back and get upset with myself for the lack of progress I’ve made. But God is good, and He’s really taught me quite a bit through these trials. I was really questioning whether I wanted to go back to school at all last week, but I have come to the conclusion that I was (basically) running from commitment. That’s not an attractive quality, now is it? 🙂

I am a little frightened to say “this is what I’m going to do with my life” about a certain career or what have you. That’s a pretty big deal. But to continue running is immature and, quite honestly, spitting in the face of my God. He has created me to glorify Him, and refusing to do that by utilizing the gifts He has bestowed upon me doesn’t strike me as the wisest avenue to take.

So I’m praying. What are those gifts, and how can I best use them? (The struggle that has marked the past several years of my existence continues – who am I?) In doing so, I pull out a graduation card given to me by a dear friend just barely less than a year ago. I look up the verses that she gave to me, and again, God encourages me with His word.

My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.
Psalm 45:1

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:10

And the greatest of these is love

I’m running and not quite sure where to go