Resetting my perspective

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I’m in the process of becoming trained as a yoga teacher, and the nine-month-long training includes writing a number of papers. I’ll post them here because, well, that’s what I do.

The first two were observations on yamas and niyamas. This is my niyama paper, which I wrote earlier this month.

“Everything is OK.”

Earlier this week, my yoga teacher began class with that statement. It was especially powerful because I knew she had reasons to feel otherwise. But that was exactly her point during that day’s practice: Happiness is fleeting, and often based on our circumstances. Santosha, or contentment, comes from a deeper place.

Most of the time, I operate from that mindset. I can’t say everything in my life is perfect, but overall, life is pretty darn good. I’m alive and well, and I’m surrounded by people who love me and whom I love. The rest are just details.

But I’m also clinically depressed, which can make me lose perspective perhaps even more easily than the average person. A minor problem can quickly cloud my vision, leaving me thinking that life as I know it is over.

I’ve seen that frequently in the process of writing my first book. There have been many moments when I wonder why this terrible thing is happening to me. How did I get myself into this? Will life ever be the same again?

When I take a deep breath and reset my perspective, I remember that this is exactly what I’ve always hoped for. I’ve wanted to write a book (or several dozen!) since I was in elementary school. Now I have that opportunity, with assurance that it will be published.

Taking a moment to slow down and reflect on reality, rather than my perspective-distorting insecurities, can remind me that everything is, in fact, OK. The worst that can happen is unlikely to become reality, and the truth is that I lead a pretty nice life. Contentment isn’t based so much on the circumstances, but age and life experience have increased my understanding.

 

Living without margins

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I’m in the process of becoming trained as a yoga teacher, and the nine-month-long training includes writing a number of papers. I’ll post them here because, well, that’s what I do.

The first two were observations on yamas and niyamas. This is my yama paper, which I wrote earlier this month. 

Today’s to-do list may offer insight into my current relationship with boundaries. It starts by sitting down to write this paper, a task I’ve put off for several days because other projects took higher priority. Once my morning writing is complete, I’ll drive to WorkPlay for my weekly radio segment.

Then the work truly begins.

I know already I have a full day in the office, with two stories to complete, a number of others to edit and planning for the remainder of 2014. At some point, I’m hoping to sneak in an email to a key source for my book. Research on 40 years of music history has taken longer than I anticipated, so I’ve already received an extension for that project. Even so, I’m also holding myself to a 1,000-word-a-day writing goal. I’m saving all teaching-related duties for another day.

And I’ve still got social obligations, too; tonight is the Literacy Council’s Girlfriend Gala, one of my favorite benefits of the year.

It’s not that I’m any busier than anyone else; that seems to be the norm in our society. But I regularly add to those demands by piling on the projects. That’s especially true in my professional life. I often joke that one job isn’t enough.

However, the effects spill into every other area. Lately, I’ve struggled to wake up with my alarm—a battle I suspect has been made more difficult by staring at a screen for extra hours daily as I write a book. That’s made it difficult to find time to spend with my girl friends, and I often fall asleep while hanging out with my boyfriend.

These particular challenges exist for a season, and it’s one that will soon end. But my relationship to brahmacharya, or boundaries, will continue. I expect to see ebb and flow in how much I allow my calendar to rule my life, as I have in my years to date. But I hope to increase my margins, for my own sake and the sake of my relationships.

Only the curious have something to find

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Tonight I revisited the soundtrack to my 20s.

I’m not sure I could have previously pinpointed what that sounded like. But as Nickel Creek performed a variety of songs from their four main albums, I felt as though I was taking an audio tour of my past.

“The Lighthouse’s Tale” took me back to Saturday game nights during my senior year of college. We knew two albums were sure crowd pleasers: a mid-90s rock mix a friend made, and Nickel Creek’s self-titled album.

“This Side,” in hindsight, was the perfect song to carry me into that awkward year after college. The band released that album the month I would have started my senior year (had I not decided to finish early). Life felt foreign, indeed, on that side of graduation.

“When You Come Back Down” is one of several songs that remind me vividly of moving back to Alabama and finally chasing down my dream: a career in journalism. When I enrolled in grad school at Alabama, I wasn’t sure I would make it in this field. I had always been told I was a good writer, but I knew journalism was a competitive, intense industry. I realized how much I had to learn in my first semester, thanks to the Intro to Reporting class (a course I earned a B in, but now teach). I was terrified, but I was taking a chance I believed was worth taking.

It was hard to believe it would pay off during nights when I would lie awake, obsessing over how I could strengthen my resume and skill set in order to get a job. When I couldn’t quiet my mind, I’d return that self-titled album to my CD player. By track three, “Out of the Woods,” I would be breathing easier. By the song’s end, I would usually fall asleep.

My favorite band seemed to change with me, with instrumentals on each album exploring new territory (I love “Ode to a Butterfly,” but “Smoothie Song” and “Scotch and Chocolate” took my growing interest in instrumental music a step further). Every time “First and Last Waltz” begins, I remember again how it seamlessly transitions into “Helena,” showing how a voiceless piece of music can set the tone for what’s to come.

“Doubting Thomas,” and “Why Should the Fire Die?” as a whole, carried me further still. The album came out while I was working my first job. I knew journalism was the right fit–I loved it even more than I imagined I might–but I was also struggling with the adjustment that accompanies working full time and figuring out life on your own. The answers weren’t always easy, and the journey didn’t always look like what I expected.

“Reasons Why” has always encapsulated the struggle of those unmet expectations. There were nights, particularly in 2002, when I would play the song on repeat. It remains my official favorite song of all time.

When I first heard “Hayloft” on the band’s latest album, I was taken aback. It felt jarring in the context of both their previous work and “A Dotted Line.” But the song has grown on me, and seeing it performed tonight reminded me of how much Nickel Creek has matured in the 13 years I’ve loved their music. These songs and musicians have been the soundtrack to my growing up.

Nickel Creek, Alabama Theatre April 16, 2014

Destination / The Lighthouse’s Tale / Scotch and Chocolate / This Side / Rest of My Life / Out of the Woods / Ode to a Butterfly / When In Rome / 21st of May / Anthony / Smoothie Song / You Don’t Know What’s Going On / Reasons Why / Doubting Thomas / Elephant in the Corn / Somebody More Like You / Hayloft / The Fox

Encore: First and Last Waltz / Helena / Cuckoo’s Nest / Where Is Love Now

Remembering what matters most

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley
When in doubt, I turn to Nora Ephron for inspiration.
When in doubt, I turn to Nora Ephron for inspiration.

Tonight I spent three hours working on my book. Tomorrow I’ll grade this finish grading my students’ papers and begin the last month of the semester. Thursday evening I’ll attend a party to benefit one of my favorite nonprofits. This weekend I’ll spend 20-plus hours in yoga teacher training. And sometime, someday soon, I’ll rest.

I’m fortunate to be at a point in life when I get to delve into so many passions in so many different ways. I love teaching, writing, editing, volunteering and mentoring.

I also know this season won’t last forever. As it is, I try not to commit to anything unless I’m passionate about it. In the past, that’s meant saying no to some very good things in order to devote my attention to the issues that are most important to me. Now, that also requires me to consider everything on my plate and whether it’s an activity I should dedicate time to for a season or indefinitely.

As I age, I also regularly reflect on my goals and priorities. I have a number of professional aims, and they’ve been adjusted through the years as I cross them off the list. (Yes, I keep an actual list. I doubt you’re surprised.) But my greatest priority isn’t my work, satisfying and necessary (girl’s gotta eat!) as it is. It’s more important to me to love well and devote my attention to those who I hold closest.

Perfect balance is an illusion, but I’m striving to dedicate the best of me to those people. That’s why I often disconnect from social media on the weekends and confine my freelance work to the week nights when possible. It’s also why I am beginning to, again, examine my commitments and determine which I may need to step away from.

I’m especially aware of that search for equilibrium when deadlines draw closer and my calendar fills with writing projects. Even when I have to settle for a carefully scheduled brunch or a short phone call between appointments, I must regularly remind myself that it’s the people, not the activities, that matter most.

Maybe I’m a little behind

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I ordered my first Mac laptop this week. It took a lot of deliberation; I had held off for years because I suspect that once I go Mac, I won’t go back. But in the past year, I’ve completed more freelance projects than ever, and I expect it’ll be a boon in my full-time and side work to have access to the industry standard for writing and design.

Buying a Mac, as many of you know, is quite a commitment. They’re generally more expensive than PCs, so deciding to take the Apple plunge is a big deal. But then you’ve got to decide which model MacBook you want. The Air is light and sleek, but not quite as powerful as the Pro. The Pro is a beast with a fancy screen, but not quite as portable as the Air.

But these days, neither of the newest models come equipped with a CD drive!

And this is how I’ve come to learn that I’m a weirdo because I still use CDs. Don’t be mistaken, I’m also a big fan of the cloud; my Google Drive is perpetually teetering at 90 percent full, and I have to clean out my Dropbox frequently. I also backup files to a 1 Terabyte external hard drive. I’m drinking the Kool-Aid, in other words.

I also buy CDs. I receive them from record labels (still, although not as frequently as I once did), and I keep a bin of them in my bedroom closet. Although technology is generally pretty good to me (WordPress hasn’t failed me yet!), I’m not comfortable relying on it for my entire music collection.

So after much debate and a number of people telling me I should let go of the notion of a built-in CD drive, I made up my mind. The older MacBook Pro isn’t only cheaper, it’s also exactly the machine I want.

Because after all, I’ll need a way to load these guys onto my fancy digital devices.

My most recently acquired albums, including Nickel Creek's "A Dotted Line" (getting the advance review download wasn't enough! Gotta support one of my favorite bands), The Rolling Stones' "Sticky Fingers, Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers' "Rare Bird Alert" (featuring the Dixie Chicks AND Paul McCartney!) and Ruben Studdard's "Unconditional Love."
My most recently acquired albums, including Nickel Creek’s “A Dotted Line” (getting the advance review download wasn’t enough! Gotta support one of my favorite bands), The Rolling Stones’ “Sticky Fingers, Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers’ “Rare Bird Alert” (featuring the Dixie Chicks AND Paul McCartney!) and Ruben Studdard’s “Unconditional Love.”

Write, write, write, write

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I’m not being the best friend right now–and that’s hard for me. I love being able to swing by a friend’s house when she calls and says dinner’s on, or enjoy a mid-week girls’ night with another while her husband is out of town. But right now, I’ve got to hunker down and write.

My manuscript is due on April 7. It’s hard to believe! And there’s still plenty of work to do (isn’t how these things always go?). But I’m excited to be racing toward the finish. I’ve left the “I can’t do this!” phase, am growing increasingly comfortable in the “I can probably do this” phase, hope to soon move into “I can do this!” and can’t wait to get to “I’ve done it!”

In the meantime, I’m still allowing myself a few minutes here and there to write personal projects–including my semi-regular blog posts for Church Street Coffee and Books, where I’m documenting my journey as a first-time author.

The countdown is on: My manuscript is due to my editor three weeks from yesterday.
Although it’s been 11 months since he verbally accepted my proposal and nearly nine months since I received the signed contract, these final days are proving the most intense part of the book-writing process. Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised; writers, like people in a number of other fields, are renowned for their procrastination tactics. Just earlier today, a former newspaper columnist told me she enjoyed having written, past tense.

Read more “Keep Calm and Get Over Yourself” at churchstreetshop.com.

Be kind. Seek peace.

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Two years ago, Annie Damsky and I sat at a table in Magic Muffins talking about yoga. I was interviewing Annie about opening Birmingham’s only yoga studio to offer classes for the whole family, Villager Yoga. As we talked, I told her that I was trying to develop my own “yoga addiction.” I had been practicing on my own at home for about six weeks, and was beginning to regularly attend classes at The Yoga Circle.

One year ago, Melissa Scott and I were in Chattanooga for the weekend when she mentioned an interest in leading a teacher training. “I’ll be the first to sign up,” I said. I had already contemplated teacher training as a way to deepen my understanding, whether I were to eventually teach or not.

Tonight, teacher training begins.

I cannot adequately express how excited I am. As promised, I was (I think) the first student to register for training. Melissa has been an incredible teacher and friend for the past two years, and I am thrilled to learn from her and support her.

But perhaps more importantly, I’m excited to allow myself this experience. My to-do list is especially full right now, with a number of projects both at and outside of work. I feel as though I could work all weekend and not accomplish all I’d like. These are the moments when I especially need to slow down, take a deep breath and put the world back into perspective.

I’ll spend the rest of the weekend aiming to do just that, and will return to my mat for these intensive sessions eight more times between now and November. I can’t wait to see where this path leads.

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2014 Concerts

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley
    1. Mendelssohn violin concerto, Alabama Symphony Orchestra, Alys Stephens Center, Jan. 31, 2014
    2. Justin Brown Conducts Wagner, Alabama Symphony Orchestra, Alys Stephens Center, Feb. 21, 2014
    3. Nickel Creek with The Secret Sisters, Alabama Theatre, April 16, 2014
    4. Arcade Fire, Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, May 1, 2014
    5. Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto: Fung’s “Fanfare for McElroy,” Debussy’s Three Etudes” Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto in D Major and Prokofiev’s Symphony No. 5, Alabama Symphony Orchestra, Alys Stephens Center, May 31, 2014
    6. Tchaikovsky & Rachmaninoff, Alabama Symphony Orchestra, Alys Stephens Center, Sept. 19, 2014
    7. Broken Bells with Hamilton Leithauser, Iron City, Oct. 2
    8. St. Lucia with Joywave, Terminal West, Atlanta, Oct. 4
    9. Justin Brown Plays Mozart, Mozart Piano Concerto No. 24, Beethoven Symphony No. 3, Eroica, Alys Stephens Center, Nov. 1, 2014

I see your true colors shining through

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

Slow down and take a minute to see the world around you.

That’s what I’ve been trying to do recently as I attempt to improve my photography skills. I review beautiful images all the time in my work as a magazine editor, but my own photos tend to be snapshots taken for the sake of sharing information. I’ll grab a photo of my cats lying side by side so I can show my sister how much the younger one has grown, or I’ll capture a favorite book passage for later reference. But I rarely take the time to frame a picture, find the best light and ensure I’m giving the subject my best shot.

Several recent conversations resulted in my giving photography more of attention. After admiring some of her work, I asked my friend Rachel to meet me for a photo session in which she would offer me advice.

Before that session, which took place Saturday at Railroad Park, I reviewed Rachel’s post offering tips into taking photos using an iPhone. I downloaded her recommended apps and met her on a sub-40 morning for a walk around the park.

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Thanks in part to the temperature, we spent more time gabbing over cupcakes and chai than we did shooting in the park. But the shots we grabbed and those on-site conversations were instructive. I walked away realizing that I can take a decent picture by simply taking my time (I never thought I’d capture such great reflections of downtown in the park’s lake!), and a little careful editing can make a picture pop.

20140217-153059.jpgI’ve got plenty to learn, but I’ve already asked Rachel to promise a future get together. And in the meantime, I’ve got ample opportunity to capture my two favorite (feline) subjects in their best light.

Today’s subject line comes from Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors.” I’m sorry for getting that stuck in your head.

Fly dove, sing sparrow, give me Cupid’s famous arrow

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I read a wide variety of genres, but there’s at least one thing you can count on: If someone writes a memoir that touches on a life experience that intrigues me, I’ll read it. So when I heard about Amy Webb’s “Data, A Love Story,” I quickly requested it from my local library.

I’ll confess, I’ve read way too many dating books. When I was in college, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” “I Gave Dating a Chance,” “Lady in Waiting,” “When God Writes Your Love Story” and other such titles were the topic of the day. I read them all (and then some!), and I was left confused by their advice. Perhaps as an indirect result, I didn’t date much in college, even though those were prime years for meeting and getting to know lots of different people.

Other books I’ve read out of curiosity; often, if a book hits the zeitgeist, I’ll pick it up so I know what everyone is talking about. (No, I haven’t read “Twilight” or “50 Shades of Grey.”) So 2005 found me breezing through “He’s Just Not That Into You” and frequenting the often-pink-adorned 306 aisle in the library. That year also introduced Dr. Henry Cloud’s “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and as I read it, I realized I needed to take some drastic steps to shake up my dating patterns (or lack thereof!).

So I signed up for match.com.

I used online dating sites on and off from 2005 to 2012, when I met my boyfriend on match.com. I never really thought I’d meet someone special on the Internet, even though “You’ve Got Mail” left me half-expecting an email from Mr. Right to show up at any minute.

I wrote an essay about the experience for Birmingham magazine, which ran in the February issue. I also finished reading “Data, A Love Story” this week, and as I closed the book, I fought the urge to get out of bed to email the author. I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all formula for finding a relationship, but online dating was good to me (and to Webb, also–from the early pages of her book, readers know she ultimately found her husband online. Her specific journey to that point is compelling, if at times intense. And heck, I can relate to being intense! She’s just math-focused, and I’m more of a liberal arts gal.).

Like Webb, I got to share my particular success story with readers. It’s probably the most personal piece I’ve ever seen in print, but the response I’ve received so far has been great. If you’re contemplating online dating or merely curious about it, I hope you find this useful.

As for me, I’ll spend Valentine’s Day counting my blessings with the man who I met through Internet.

I told a friend last week that I met my boyfriend on match.com, and her reaction caught me by surprise: “It seems like that’s how everyone meets these days.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have been taken off guard; my boyfriend and I are one of three couples in our social circle who met through that online dating site. Murray and Shayne met in 2011, became engaged 10 months later and were married in May 2013. (You can read their story in the winter/spring issue of Birmingham Weddings and Celebrations.) Holly and Brad met in 2012, rented a house together in 2013 and became engaged six months later. And Put and I have been going strong since our first date on Sept. 3, 2012. –Read more “I Gave Match.com a Chance” at bhammag.com.
Today’s subject line comes from “Gimme Gimme,” one of my favorite songs from the musical “Thoroughly Modern Millie.”