Protected: Time won’t be our master/ Who died and made it king?

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

One thing that I love about intimate concert venues is the increased ability to understand the lyrics sung before you. Tara Leigh Cobble performed a number of new songs last night. This girl is moving up the ranks of my favorite songwriters – I wouldn’t want to wait till June 8th to understand what those songs were about.

Of course, there’s a flip side to most situations. The disadvantage of last night was that lyrics that exposed my heart did so in the company of fifty strangers.

” I’ve got strength for battles against calendars and maps
And if you say it’s worth it all, I’ll take the first bus back”

I listen to Tara Leigh a lot when relationships are weighing on my mind, because her writing hits close to home. Though (for TLC) it’s more about the difficulty of a love life on the road, “Calendars and Maps” carried me back to a long distance relationship of which I was half.

That relationship is in the past, but I relived a snapshot of it last night. I identified with the words Tara Leigh was singing; I was willing to give the relationship my best. When it ended, I felt as though he was saying I wasn’t worth it.

Never mind whether or not I am worth it (I think I am, although that particular man and I have no business being together). Rejection is a killer, and it brings to light some of our deepest insecurities. One of my issues is that I don’t believe that any man will think I’m worth it.

Jesus does. That’s what matters. Most of the time, CJ thinks so too. (That’s almost just as important!) But for those three minutes last night, I was taken back to a place where someone disagreed… and it was a painful moment.

“‘Cause manliness is tenderness
And a broad shouldered build
Safety is standing there
In the shoes you fill”

This post is private because it’s rather vulnerable (though I don’t think my words portray my flashback adequately). And that last quote is here just because I like it and it’s from the same song.

Bright lights, big city

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I once toyed with the idea of living on a farm in the middle of nowhere. How precious would it be, I asked myself, to raise animals and babies with my husband? We’d be miles from civilization and only drive into town on special occassions.

WRONG!

I didn’t fully understand it until the past year, but I’ve learned that I am definitely a city girl.

This is one of those things that I didn’t understand until I experienced something different. When I was in high school, I wanted to move out of the South. After I actually visited other places, I realized how much I do love the southeastern United States. (To quote my friend Tara Leigh, “The more I travel, the more I love home.”) Same deal with the city.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau (2000), the county in which I was born has almost 700,000 residents. The city where I was raised is home to roughly one million people. When I moved to the Florida state capitol, I thought we were small time with 200,000 residents.

But then I moved to Alabama.

The city where I first resided houses just under 80,000. The city where I now receive my mail, however, clocks in at just under 20,000. You wanna talk small potatoes? Welcome home.

I just returned home from a visit to Nashville, Tenn. (home to half a million), which is what got my brain workin’ on this again. I love Nashville, and I would move there in a heartbeat, were I presented with the opportunity.

I love the big city feel that it offers. There’s SO much to do – I think you’d have to try pretty hard to get bored with the place. There’s music galore (always a perk in my book), tons of good coffee shops (great for yellowing my teeth! eek!) and perhaps best of all, a million honky tonks! What more could a girl want?

I’ve always said that Tuscaloosa is a great place for right now. Visiting Nashville – heck, even Birmingham – is a great way to remind me of that truth. Dear Lord, please provide me with a job in a big city!

(Speaking of jobs – I heard back from two more internships last week. :-/ Southern Progress and the Florida Times-Union are both out.)

We were just wasting time/ let the hours roll by

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I’ll admit I was running a bit late this morning. I rolled over at 7:36 to hit snooze for the fifth time – and realized that it was the fifth time, and I’d better get out of bed already. I spent less time than usual on my hair and make up, and was in the car by the time that I should’ve been in class.

I parked my car in a one hour space at 8:22. With a review in one hand, I shuffled off to class, reading all the way. (Multi-tasking is my specialty.)

I finally strolled into class around 8:28. I figured it was better to be late than not to show at all.

Wrong!

Two of my classmates were talking at one of the computers. Otherwise, the room was empty.

“Um… what am I doing here?” I asked, confused.

“He told us about his retirement, to sell ads and write stories and then left,” they explained.

I looked at the clock. “Yes, it was only five minutes,” one of them said.

“Well, at least I’m out of bed and can be productive for the rest of the day…” I said, attempting to look on the “bright side.”

The dark side exists, of course. I’ve spent $1200 on this class and learned next to nothing. (I know some might argue about putting a price on education. But the university does just that, and it comes out of my checking account twice a year.) This is a subject that I truly wanted to learn about, and I’m disappointed that I’ve been cheated out of that experience.

But y’know… at least it puts me three hours closer to graduation.

High maintenance in so many ways

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

My roommate loves to remind me that I’m high maintenance. I think she enjoys the contrast between our personalities in that way. While I take at least thirty minutes to get ready in the morning, she doesn’t mind rolling out of bed and throwing her hair in a ponytail from time to time. She borrows my lipstick for fun – it’s not a part of her daily routine.

Appearance isn’t the only way that I’m high maintenance, though. I’m somewhat particular about my car. My bedroom has to be just so – it takes a great deal of restraint for me to go to bed without perfecting everything. I kill myself to make articles perfect, and if they fail to meet my standards, I don’t want to share them with you. I’ve been called the music snob for my particular taste in tunes.

Oh – and I am extremely picky about men. We couldn’t forget that, now could we?

Those of you who know me or who read me often are familiar with my numerous complaints about the opposite sex. Part of my motivation for whining about them all the time is pure entertainment value – y’all comment, I laugh at myself and we all win in the end. My rants are also partially rooted in truth.

But don’t let the chip on my shoulder fool you – I’m aware that the problem is just as much my own (if not entirely so).

I made a profound statement to my friend Jesse many months ago. We were searching the aisles of Albertson’s for a specific brand of chips during a late-night grocery run. I couldn’t settle for the almost-right brand – I wanted the correct product. It was then that a certain truth hit me.

“I’ll probably be the last of my friends to get married,” I claimed as I plucked items from the shelf.

Jesse looked at me quizically.

“I’m so picky that I’ve not only got to find a guy who fulfills my specifications – I’ve also got to find one that will put up with me!”

He laughed my statement off as we paid for our items, but that truth has stuck with me over time. As I’ve toyed with the thought of various flirtations in the past couple of weeks, it’s wormed its way back to the front of my mind.

When I moved to Alabama, I joked that I might finally find myself the Southern boy that I’d been searching for. I didn’t want a Floridian man for fear that it would mean staying in the state I was finally breaking free from.

So I’m in Alabama. I’ve been here for – what? – 12 and a half months. And after going on my first date with a “Bama boy,” I’ve been thinking about how much that kind of guy is not what I’m after.

If you’re not yelling, “Make up your mind, woman!” by now… you’re entirely too sympathetic to my side.

I do have issues with men. My friend Natalie sort of asked me that a few weeks ago, and now I’m ready to admit it. I joke about wanting one, but I’m not sure that I do. Whenever they show the slightest bit of interest, I run.

If a cute boy sits next to me at church, I rush out at the end of the service without making eye contact. When a classmate wants to set me up with his friend, I’m quick to find all the reasons it won’t work out. (And let’s face it, sometimes those reasons are genuine.) It takes a lot to get me warmed up to a guy, and so when I do, that’s something pretty special.

Maybe I need to go back to junior high and learn how to be friends with guys again. I’m realizing how much they freak me out. As much as I love to play up the role of neurotic CJ… this is an issue that I probably need to let go.

Highlights from my weekend

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

I wanted to let y’all know that my computer is broken, so I may not offer to entertain y’all for a few days.

However, I did want to mention that I broke my four and a half year dating fast yesterday. (Okay, okay – it’s not a fast if it’s not intentional. 😉 I know that. But it’s so much more fun to be obnoxious and say it that way.) The hoops were present, albeit in their smaller form. I had a nice afternoon with this guy, but I doubt we’ll be going out again. He was friendly enough… but eh. I’m not chomping at the bit for another date.

On the other hand, Alabama did win yesterday – both in football ( 😉 ) and basketball! Roll tide roll!

Honey, I’m a prize and you’re a catch and we’re a perfect match

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

The hoops certainly worked their magic today.

As it happened, Alisa and I were right on with our decision to find Nickel Creek. We intended to park it at a nearby coffee shop and work while we waited for the band to make an appearance. I figured that they’d drop by, since they’re coffee lovers who are anti-Starbucks.

I was wrong on one count: they didn’t just “drop by.”

As we slowed near the shop in search of a parking space, Alisa exclaimed, “I think I saw Chris setting up his laptop!”

We parked behind the building and hurried in, anxious to see if she was correct. I thought we were merely playing games, up until the point where she whispered “there they are!” after we crossed the cafe’s threshold.

But when my eyes adjusted to the indoor lighting, I saw Chris Thile and Sean Watkins across the room. After we ordered our drinks and spread out at a table, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and approached them, and from there we chatted with the fellas for ten or fifteen minutes.

Hours later, I whispered to Alisa, “I’m sure glad we decided to dress cute today.” (Sean and the band’s road manager, Fielding, were still just several feet away.) And cute we were, indeed, in our skirts and tank tops. (Alisa’s skirt was long and flowered and her tank top blue; my skirt was shorter with a blue pattern, and my halter top was white.)

After I finished the article I was writing, we returned home, still jazzed from the afternoon. I was supposed to attend a play (for class) before the evening’s concert, but I went ahead and dressed for the show. I donned my “going out” jeans and borrowed one of Alisa’s cutest tank tops. With my make up freshened and my hair pulled back, I set out for the play.

Unfortunately (?), I found the theater a bit too late. There was no seating after the show started, and I was five minutes past that time. So I instead, I bid my time until the Nickel Creek concert by allowing those hoop earrings to get me into more trouble.

Yep, I got digits and plans to meet up with a certain fella sometime in the near future. Okay, okay – it’s not as exciting as I make it sound. But there’s possibility there, and I may just follow where (if) it leads. 😉

Yes, the hoops were successful – so much so, in fact, that I’m reluctant to take them off.

Tonight Alisa and I discussed – briefly – our freedom in singleness. I was checking out a cute guy across the room (who I think ended up standing next to me during the bus-side concert). I’d remarked to her, “We’re so bad,” and she corrected me. “No we’re not. We’re enjoying our singleness. Is it wrong for us to talk about cute guys because ‘that’s not what Christian girls do?'” Interesting thoughts, no?

And climb high to the highest rung to shake fists at the sky

Posted on by Carla Jean Whitley

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“Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, I have my reasons why”

This isn’t the best recording – that’s to be expected of an audio blog from a concert. I have to post this song whenever I get the chance, since it is this site’s namesake and all.

I’m a reasons why girl. I’m not proud of it, I aim not to be – but I am.