Elementary romance feelin’ nervous at the dance
“When in doubt, wear red.” –Bill Blass
Enough black heels. One pair of brown is enough, especially when considered alongside a pair of brown cowboy boots. I don’t need any sneakers or winter shoes. It’s time for red high heels.
So went my thoughts in early October. I was on a shoe shopping kick, and a visit to Atlanta merited a shopping spree with my friend Adriene. When we entered the homeland (also known as DSW: Discount Shoe Warehouse), I walked straight for the clearance racks with one goal in mind:
I needed a pair of red heels.
Adriene accompanied me to the 6.5 section, and before I could properly take in the display before me she spotted a sassy pair of red shoes. She handed them to me and I fell in love. (I called Alisa that afternoon and told her to stop accusing me of commitment issues.) The red slingbacks with a fake wooden heel were not only my favorite brand, but they were ultra-cute.
The shopping trip would have been memory enough for a regular pair of shoes, but these sweet red shoes (or “lipstick for the feet,” as I’ve been known to call them) make each wear memorable.
In fact, they should probably be dubbed my new “Grand Ole Opry shoes.” When I visited the Opry with a group of four friends in December, all four of us ladies sported red shoes (three wore heels and the fourth sported red sneakers). We tried to convince our male companion to bust out a pair of red heels—in fact, we had an extra pair!—but he refused.
However, my Opry pal this weekend promises to be much more complaint. No, he’s not wearing red heels—I may be able to convince men to do crazy things, but that’s not one of them. 😉 But he planned his outfit around a pair of red sneakers (that he did not yet own!) after I mentioned plans to wear my red heels in honor of one of the musicians we’re going to see. (If Patty Griffin doesn’t warrant my lipstick shoes, who does?!) Once again, I’ll be planning my day’s attire around the shoes on my feet.
Red sling backs with wooden heel, Unisa, $35 (I don’t remember how much they were originally)
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I’m a sucker for The Bachelor and The Bachelorette—I’ll admit it. I don’t obsess over the shows, but I have been watching them since the initial season with Alex as The Bachelor. (He was a scum bucket, in case you missed it.) Years later, I find myself in front of the TV, eating up every minute of the two hour season premiere of The Bachelorette.
No, it’s not exactly something to brag about.
So I’ve been watching the series on and off (as my schedule has permitted) since the first season, but it wasn’t until tonight that I understood why. As I watched a bevy of attractive men flood a New York City apartment, it all clicked: I like the show because it’s like a fairy tale.
Okay, a modern day fairy tale, but a fairy tale just the same. Twenty five men—25 men!—attempt to sweep this woman off her feet. While they turn on the charm, she parades around the fancy apartments and the most exciting city on earth dressed like a model. (Does she have a make up person? I want a make up person!) Everything she does is like magic. Dates take place in Central Park, at fancy restaurants, in the most idyllic locales you can imagine.
I know it’s not real life. I know that, even if ABC would consider a conservative Christian girl prone to break outs, I would not really go on such a show. But for an hour or two each week, it’s fun to pretend…
Protected: Nothing’s gonna change my world
I think I had an epiphany last night. The thing is… I don’t think engineers are right for me. Take Charlie, my favorite of the bunch, and compare him to Josh or Aaron (to name just a few non-engineer friends). The conversation flows so much more comfortably with either of those guys than it does with my favorite engineer. And of those guys–one I’ve not hung out with in over a year and one I’ve never met. Charlie, on the other hand, is someone I saw daily for two and a half months. I adore him… but I still feel I have to perform just a little. (This is true of all my engineers, to some extent. One of them once told me that my talkative nature was probably part of why engineers surround me… I make it easier on them.) Our conversations are sometimes more me than we.
That’s not a critique of Charlie. I’d be fortunate to be with such a guy. I just don’t think he (or probably any of that “type”) is so right for me after all.
Funny how it took seven months (and how many engineers?!) to figure that out.
[EDIT: After discussing this entry with Megan, I have to add… Charlie is not a typical engineer, he’s way more talkative. But he’s still not as obnoxious as a communication kid… it’s like you have to put a muzzle on us to shut us up. Though he’s more chatty, I still have the performing complex. Anyway. The point isn’t Charlie, the point is CJ does not need engineers.]
In the right heels, a woman feels invincible.
“Every item of clothing has a narrative.” –Nancy Macdonell Smith
Smith, author of The Classic Ten, seems to understand the relationship I have with clothes. It’s not so much that I’m obsessed (though I’ve developed a growing shoe fetish under the influence of all these ‘Bama girls). But I am a very nostalgic person, and I do attach memories to certain pieces of clothing.
My black, off-the-shoulder stretch top from Delia*s always reminds me of my first trip to the Grand Ole Opry wiht the last guy I dated. (Don’t you feel so special!) I associate my pretty pink twirly Gap skirt with church the weekend of my summer project reunion. My gray pinstripe pants are reminiscent of my interview with Birmingham magazine and work days at Campus Crusade for Christ’s HQ. I have a pink trench that reminds me of breaking up with the aforementioned boy, but more recently became my “I’m getting my master’s degree!” coat.
Yes, I do try to replace negative memories with more positive ones. I know it’s a little weird. Welcome to my mind.
Likewise, I associate memories with each pair of shoes I own. I don’t have that many–only 15 pairs, and I’ve decided that one of these needs to be contributed to Goodwill. (I’d ask what I was thinking, but I know what I was thinking: I was thinking that I was in high school, chunky heels were in and I was poor.)
After returning home with my newest (and sexiest!) pair of heels, I was inspired to tell you the story of my life (or at least, the past few years of my life) through my shoes. The latest pair doesn’t have much noteworthy attributed to them… yet. But I’m sure they’ll merit something more mentionable than a touring show of Thoroughly Modern Millie in the near future. Maybe they can be my “I need a job and you’re going to offer it to me!” shoes.
Green snakeskin pumps with ankle strap, Nine West, $25 ($69 retail)
Freeze frame
I’m a few days behind in offering a year end entry… but since it’s still the first week of 2005, I don’t think it’s really too late to reveal my bestof 2004.
However, it’s boring to be just like everyone else… so here’s my own personal twist on the year in review. 😉 Most of these songs were released in 2004, but all of them were added to my collection during that year. (And yes, I need to update my CD page over there… but I will mention that I met my resolution for last year. I limited to myself to one CD or less per week, resulting in only 41 CDs for the year. I’m so good.)
Sexiest Vocal: Marc Broussard, “Home” from Carencro
Have you heard the man sing? It’s a shame the rest of the album is so bland.
Song that most makes me wanna throw myself off a building: TIE Patty Griffin, “Top of the World” from Impossible Dream and Ryan Adams, “Wonderwall” from Love is Hell Part One
Yes, in my little world, wanting to throw yourself off a building is somehow an appropriate response to good music.
Song that made me cry the hardest: “Still Hurting,” from the Original Cast Recording of The Last 5 Years
Oh MY gosh. I need this CD. This has to be the saddest break up song of all time. What a great actress… you can just feel the sorrow in her voice.
Hit the nail on the head song of the year: Tara Leigh Cobble, “Here’s to Hindsight” from Things You Can’t Stop with Your Hands
Of course, if “Winter’s Ending” were new to be in 2004, it would have won. In any case, TLC hit home with this one, especially the bridge: “And all today’s uncertainties and all of my impatience will just be flecks of color in the picture that He’s painting.” Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. (;))
I can’t explain it, I just have to dance: Jem, “They” from Finally Woken
Alisa thought this song was so weird… and well, it is. But the album is MUCH fun to dance around to when no one else is home. (It also reminds me of the first day of summer project, ’cause it’s what I was listening to as I pulled into Pine Harbor. Oh, the memories…)
Best remake of the artist’s own song: Sandra McCracken, “Plenty” from Best Laid Plans
The original version of this song was one of my favorite tracks on McCracken’s last album. But this re-recorded version rocks my face off… the strings are stellar. I usually have to listen to it several times before moving on to the rest of the CD.
Most likely to scare Alisa if she met the song in a dark alley: Dave Matthews, “Grave Digger” from Some Devil
Granted, when Alisa said she never wanted to see Dave Matthews angry, it was after listening to Before These Crowded Streets. Just the same, I love his vocal on this song. It’s sort of creepy, but it’s fabulous.
Best song that was made even better by another band: TIE Carrie Newcomer, “I Should’ve Known Better” from Betty’s Diner: The Best of Carrie Newcomer and Oasis, “Wonderwall” from (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?
The originals were excellent, but Nickel Creek and Ryan Adams (respectively) took these songs to greater heights.
Song that best describes my fears about relationships (for now): Chris Thile, “On Ice” from Deceiver
This is absolutely one of my favorite songs that was released this year. It truly would fit well with Nickel Creek’s material on This Side, but it is a jewel regardless of where it’s placed. Thile is an amazing songwriter and musician… and this song is just too quotable. I have used at least three different sections of it in away messages, but I really could use the whole thing at any given moment. 🙂
Song that I love even though I can’t sing along with some of the lyrics: Damien Rice, “Woman Like a Man” from B Sides
I’m 99.9% sure this is the only “parental advisory advised” disc in my entire collection, and this song is most of the reason why. And unfortunately, the part I won’t sing is in the CHORUS, so it’s repeated quite a bit. But it’s just a great song, no matter how much I hate that word.
Cheesiest country song that I don’t mind admitting I like: Sugarland, “Baby Girl” from Twice the Speed of Life
Yes, it’s cheesy. Yes, it’s totally pop-country. But yeah, they’re great performers and I love singing this while driving down the road… especially the part that’s Nashville-specific. We all need a little cheese from time to time!
Loving is fine if you have plenty of time for walking on stilts at the edge of your mind
My friend Luke once said I have the weirdest interactions with men of any girl he knows. If that’s not because I attract drama, I must create it. I know I’m supposed to be a journalist, but I occasionally wonder if I should have pursued a more diva-fied occupation. (Or maybe I should just work at a women’s mag. Same thing, right?)
In any case, I suppose these dramatic tendencies account for the series of romance-oriented rants I’m about to unleash on you. There’s no other good reason! I’m not interested in anyone, there’s no boy drama in my life and I’m certainly not dating anyone.
But then, I guess that last reason is part of the force fueling this tirade. Somehow a conversation between my friend Patrick and I moved from movies to dating (a far less innocuous topic, particularly when my big mouth is involved!). He seemed a bit surprised when I mentioned I haven’t been on a proper date since 1999. (In fact, when I saw it typed across my screen, I was a bit taken back. That is an awfully long time.) I told him I have my reasons, not the least of which is an exorbitant level of picky-ness. He suggested that perhaps I should cool it a bit.
To some degree, I agree. I can be entirely too uptight for my own good. But there are some things worth these ridiculously high standards.
Which leads me—where else!—back to my favorite beef. What is the deal with Christian men?
I refuse to even consider dating anyone who doesn’t love Jesus more than he could dream of loving me. Though I don’t always alighn my actions with my faith (I sin too!), I do believe said faith should be the central driving force of my life. I want to be with someone who can both understand and encourage that. It is at least one point on which I refuse to compromise.
(Another such characteristic is a willingness to dance. But that’s just an aside. :))
Meanwhile, the vast majority of Christian men I have known are not willing to step up to the plate (at least, not for me, which is what matters when I’m raving about my lack of dating life :)). I’ve had plenty of friendships with otherwise amazing men who wasted my time with meaningless flirtation. I’ve been led on at least one time too many, and I’m left behind chanting “boys are overrated.”
Yeah. I’m not so much for a healthy mindset, I guess.
The thing I’ve realized is that I’m just as bad. I’m a wonderful tease. I employ the mind games so many claim to hate, even in most of my friendships. I should work at removing the plank from my own eye before bitching about the specks in the eyes of my brothers. (I would apologize for the profanity, but is it not appropriate here? Drop the niceties—bitching is what I’m doing.)
I know I should deal with the real issues—with the bitterness I struggle to release but then reclaim as my own. But y’know, I don’t feel like it. (And I know that’s not okay.) Sometimes I like wearing this “I don’t need a man” attitude like a badge, though it is more honestly something of a faulty shield. Sometimes I embrace the insanity I portray (and I realize I sound like nothing less than a crazy in these words). Sometimes I think I would rather give up and go for the not-quite-Jesus freaks—the only men who are actually willing to pursue this idiosyncratic woman I’ve exposed.
Then I realize, they still don’t boast the single most attractive quality I’ve found in a man—a heart willing to pursue Christ recklessly.
And when I allow anger and bitterness to control me… neither do I.
Just like your family name
It’s kind of funny how you learn new things about someone years into your relationship. I’ve known my daddy my whole life (obviously!), but I didn’t know until this summer that he once wanted to be a lawyer.
I picked up another random fact about him this weekend. When he worked in downtown Birmingham, my dad often ate his lunch at the park I pass on my weekly visits to the library. He would follow those meals with a visit to the museum where I’ve recently begun to volunteer.
It’s not that those pastimes seem contrary to my father’s personality; I simply never imagined him as the art museum type. It’s neat to realize the better part of my Sunday afternoon somehow mirrors my dad’s time years ago.
Indeed, the older we get, the more I find my parents and I share. It’s not even me turning into my mom (and dad). That would be quite the challenge, since they’re different in so many ways. There may be elements of that, but there’s also a tendency of them becoming more like me.
My mom’s musical interests are starting to mirror mine (however slightly). Last year I bought her Johnny Cash and Dave Matthews Band CDs for Christmas, and Caedmon’s Call joined her collection at Mother’s Day. Daddy and I have had more similar tastes for years (which is how I knew he’d love the Coldplay CD I sent for Father’s Day).
But part of our increasing likeness is the work of Christ in our lives. It’s not that we’re becoming Christian auto matrons. As the Holy Spirit guides our steps and changes our desires, the foundations from which we operate become alike.
I’m not always proud of the ways I reflect my parents. The bad jokes I crack sometimes echo my mother’s silly sense of humor, and my stubbornness was once the source of many disagreements with my dad. But the sanctification in our lives is a trait of which I’ll gladly boast. Christ is at work in my family; let his work be proclaimed.
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. (Galatians 6:14, NIV)
Walk this way
I GRADUATED TODAY!
I just didn’t want you to forget.
Like mother, like daughter
If you’ll forgive me for being one of those obnoxious pet owners who talks about her pet as though she’s a dear (human) friend… let me list for you the many traits Emma and I share.
So my ramblings about my cat may evidence my neuroses, but don’t worry… there’s more to come in the days that follow. I’m still working about some thoughts about men in my mind. (I say that as though it’s news. When am I not pondering these mysteries?)