I’ve been on more first dates this summer than the rest of my life, combined. I’ve learned a lot about what I don’t want, and some about what I do. And I’ve learned a bit about myself in the process — about allowing myself to get excited about someone, and allowing myself to want to date. I’ve learned about some insecurities and I think realized the causes behind them. I’ve had some hard conversations and I’ve done my share of flirting.
That’s a lot to come from a handful of dates. And it’s probably worth more than each cup of coffee and every price of admission.
Derek Webb’s words in “Love is Different” are starting to ring a little less true. (“I don’t know what I want, but at least I know that much.”) I’m not positive that what I want and what I need are the same thing, but I’m starting to get a better idea of who it is I’m waiting for.
“You know what I want in a woman, Paul?”
“A friend. A true friend, someone who knows me and loves me anyway. You know, like when I’m through putting my best foot forward, she’s still there, still the same. I meet these people and it’s all conditional, like you were saying. They are in it for themselves. They are friends with you because you fit the image they want to portray. It’s a selfish thing. Do you know what I mean? I’d like to get a girl who doesn’t think like that. Don’t get me wrong. She’s got to be proud of her husband, I know that. I don’t mind trying to make it easy on her in that way. But all in all, there’s got to be some sort of soul mate thing going on. That’s gonna take work, I think. There are some people in this world who love their spouse becasue they provide them with the life they want, and there are others who love their spouse just because they’ve chosen to, or because love has chosen them, or whatever. Something way back endeared one to the other and they made a decision to lock into it.”
Don Miller, “Through Painted Deserts”