I start to think about the consequences because I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room

I’ve been on more first dates this summer than the rest of my life, combined. I’ve learned a lot about what I don’t want, and some about what I do. And I’ve learned a bit about myself in the process — about allowing myself to get excited about someone, and allowing myself to want to date. I’ve learned about some insecurities and I think realized the causes behind them. I’ve had some hard conversations and I’ve done my share of flirting.

That’s a lot to come from a handful of dates. And it’s probably worth more than each cup of coffee and every price of admission.

Derek Webb’s words in “Love is Different” are starting to ring a little less true. (“I don’t know what I want, but at least I know that much.”) I’m not positive that what I want and what I need are the same thing, but I’m starting to get a better idea of who it is I’m waiting for.

“You know what I want in a woman, Paul?”
“What’s that?”
“A friend. A true friend, someone who knows me and loves me anyway. You know, like when I’m through putting my best foot forward, she’s still there, still the same. I meet these people and it’s all conditional, like you were saying. They are in it for themselves. They are friends with you because you fit the image they want to portray. It’s a selfish thing. Do you know what I mean? I’d like to get a girl who doesn’t think like that. Don’t get me wrong. She’s got to be proud of her husband, I know that. I don’t mind trying to make it easy on her in that way. But all in all, there’s got to be some sort of soul mate thing going on. That’s gonna take work, I think. There are some people in this world who love their spouse becasue they provide them with the life they want, and there are others who love their spouse just because they’ve chosen to, or because love has chosen them, or whatever. Something way back endeared one to the other and they made a decision to lock into it.”
Don Miller, “Through Painted Deserts”

3 Comments

Filed under Love letters

3 Responses to I start to think about the consequences because I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room

  1. Lance

    Listen darling, lemme tell you something. It’s a simple math formula.

    The way to win a first date = low rise jeans + the bright T-bar of a thong jumping out + low-cut shirt + lots of lipstick.

    (Think like Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease, only mixed with a helping of Britney Spears.)

    Also, think of this:

    Watching girls go passing by
    It ain’t the latest thing
    I’m just standing in a doorway
    I’m just trying to make some sense
    Out of these girls go passing by
    The tales they tell of men
    I’m not waiting on a lady
    I’m just waiting on a friend

    A smile relieves a heart that grieves
    Remember what I said
    I’m not waiting on a lady
    I’m just waiting on a friend
    I’m just waiting on a friend

    Don’t need a whore
    I don’t need no booze
    Don’t need a virgin priest
    But I need someone I can cry to
    I need someone to protect
    Making love and breaking hearts
    It is a game for youth
    But I’m not waiting on a lady
    I’m just waiting on a friend

  2. scott

    i’ve been debating the want vs need thing lately. its been pretty confusing.

  3. I saw where you were a Derek Webb fan. We just finished wrapping up an interview on our podcast with him. Thought you might enjoy it.

    Derek Webb Podcast

    Thanks!

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