I got years to wait around for you

Before I graduated, someone told me that job hunting is like dating. I told her I hoped the analogy would break down, because I suck at dating.

Turns out she’s right.

Instead of dropping off with desperation, my standards have gotten higher as I peruse job listings. I would rather be single unemployed er, work at Starbucks than settle for the wrong job. People tell me that I need to chill out, that it’s not for the rest of my life… but I don’t want to settle for something I strongly suspect will leave me miserable.

I overthink the hiring process in the same way I analyze dating. It’s been x amount of time since they called. Surely they’ll call today! I jump whenever the phone rings. I consider carrying the phone in the bathroom so I’ll hear it from the shower. (No I haven’t done that for a boy–but I know women who have.) I check my email obsessively–maybe they’ll show interest that way. It’s very much like having a huge crush on someone who is only vageuly interested in me.

As the days continue to pass, I quit making excuses for them. It must be me. I’m the problem. Were my ideas not engaging? Maybe I came across as an airhead. What if it’s my age? It can’t be my age! I didn’t tell them my age!

Even as I obsess about every possibility (rereading my submissions and wondering if they googled me and found something they didn’t like), I remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with me. I can write, I can edit, I am capable. (I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and goshdarnit, people like me!) Maybe they have chosen to hire someone else, but that doesn’t change who I am.

Much like when a really great guy passes through my life, the standards have been raised. I’ve seen what’s out there. I now know it’s possible to find a position where I seem to fit, a position that evokes more than a lukewarm, “yeah, I can do that” response. It’s not worth settling for a marketing job or a loosely journalism related position that pays pennies. I might have to serve lattes to make it in the meantime… but I can do that.

But you know, when they notify you that they’ve hired someone else… it’s a lot like being dumped. This application process lasted almost as long as most of my relationships, and the ending isn’t all that different.

5 Comments

Filed under Insecurity, Journalism, Love letters

5 Responses to I got years to wait around for you

  1. However, like dating, you only need one to say “yes!”

  2. lauren

    Sorry to hear this. At church we’ve been doing this series, take this job and shove it. It’s all about how any job can be good because you have to have a God-focus. If you have time, you can listen to them… we have them all online. It might help you some.
    http://www.theloopmemphis.com/default.aspx?pid=5

  3. Thank you, Geof Morris. 😛

    Lauren, I’m on dial up, so I don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. But thanks anyway.

  4. Hey, we Jehfs are smart … and employed. 🙂

  5. Katie

    I consider carrying the phone in the bathroom so I’ll hear it from the shower. (No I haven’t done that for a boy–but I know women who have.)

    Guilty.

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