“But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you fell in love with!”
–Chandler Bing in “The One with the Nap Partners”
I don’t know how it came up. Perhaps it was because relationships are a hot topic on summer projects. (This is “Campus Crusade for Couples,” after all.) But yesterday I found myself explaining my love of Chandler to my friend Daniel.
“I like guys who are a little bit of a jerk,” I said.
I couldn’t make him understand why that is, or even exactly what I meant by that. Then I realized that I wasn’t sure what those words signified.
I spent the rest of the afternoon pondering that statement. There’s a difference between a healthy dose of sarcasm and jerkiness, of course. So why did I phrase my thought in that way?
You know what I think it is? I have this stereotypical image of my Christian brothers. Those that actually date are gentle, soft beings – whether in my erroneous view or in reality. If they show interest in us (specifically in me), they must be weak.
What a ridiculous idea! Am I so afraid of fitting into some preconceived mold that I look down my nose at perfectly fine men? Are my standards so high that they’re unrealistic?
I don’t know the answers to those questions. The men who have been and who will be in my life often don’t fit the boxes I’m trying to draw. And what of the guys who do slip by my crazy ideas of what I want? How do my words reflect on them?
I don’t want to be what I mentally paint as a bland, cheesy Christian. I long to be someone who is making a difference, who is living. Somehow I want relationships that reflect that desire.