One thing that I love about intimate concert venues is the increased ability to understand the lyrics sung before you. Tara Leigh Cobble performed a number of new songs last night. This girl is moving up the ranks of my favorite songwriters – I wouldn’t want to wait till June 8th to understand what those songs were about.
Of course, there’s a flip side to most situations. The disadvantage of last night was that lyrics that exposed my heart did so in the company of fifty strangers.
” I’ve got strength for battles against calendars and maps
And if you say it’s worth it all, I’ll take the first bus back”
I listen to Tara Leigh a lot when relationships are weighing on my mind, because her writing hits close to home. Though (for TLC) it’s more about the difficulty of a love life on the road, “Calendars and Maps” carried me back to a long distance relationship of which I was half.
That relationship is in the past, but I relived a snapshot of it last night. I identified with the words Tara Leigh was singing; I was willing to give the relationship my best. When it ended, I felt as though he was saying I wasn’t worth it.
Never mind whether or not I am worth it (I think I am, although that particular man and I have no business being together). Rejection is a killer, and it brings to light some of our deepest insecurities. One of my issues is that I don’t believe that any man will think I’m worth it.
Jesus does. That’s what matters. Most of the time, CJ thinks so too. (That’s almost just as important!) But for those three minutes last night, I was taken back to a place where someone disagreed… and it was a painful moment.
“‘Cause manliness is tenderness
And a broad shouldered build
Safety is standing there
In the shoes you fill”
This post is private because it’s rather vulnerable (though I don’t think my words portray my flashback adequately). And that last quote is here just because I like it and it’s from the same song.