I’ve discovered that I have a dangerous tendency when it comes to how I look at men. More often than not, I split them up into three categories.
Yes, you read me correctly. I am admitting guilt in a subconscious attempt to neatly categorize the men with whom I interact.
The first type is the ‘Jason’ category. Jason was my first boyfriend who I began dating after plucking him from the grasp of a then-close friend. (Our relationship was doomed from the start!) Besides the obvious guilt that plagued me, our break up was incited by suffocation. I was teetering at the top of a pedestal he had built for me. Several attempts to leap from this lofty position proved unsuccessful. He continued to smother me with adoration as he wound himself more tightly around my pinky finger. Wearing the proverbial pants in the relationship did not appeal to this girly-girl.
Other boys may find themselves lumped together with boyfriend number two, Brian. Ours was a relationship built solely on physical attraction and a need to stroke our egos. We were young, foolish, and self indulgent. It was the perfect deal until I realized I needed more than an inflated self image. In fact, I had begun to derive my worth from my value in his eyes. This physical fling had to go.
The third category is one more flattering to all contained therein, and a fairly new face in this show. Philip and I never dated, but I have recently realized that I’ve begun to compare guys to him. Reminding me of this fella is a good thing. A former crush of mine, he was (/is) also a good friend and someone for whom I retain respect. We have always had a lot of fun together, whether engaging in a battle of wits or a serious conversation.
There you have it ‘ a confession of my neurosis. I’ll go out on a limb and say that 80% of guys I know remind me of these fellas in one way or another. That’s not to say they can’t break free and make their own mark. (Like I said, until recently I was aware of only two divisions!) But yes, I suppose I do compare to men to those who have been there before them. Frightening.