So I’m sure that this won’t come across as artfully as it could, as I’m still battling a dizzy spell that swept in about half an hour ago. It settled in during my quiet time, which ordinarily would frustrate me. My time with God is never as satisfying to me when I’m sick, as I struggle to focus and my mind has trouble wrapping itself around anything remotely deep. Dizziness doesn’t help such a situation. Tonight, however, those road blocks didn’t get me down so much.
Lately, I’ve really been struggling with what direction my life is taking. That’s really been a theme of the past year – sometimes I look back and get upset with myself for the lack of progress I’ve made. But God is good, and He’s really taught me quite a bit through these trials. I was really questioning whether I wanted to go back to school at all last week, but I have come to the conclusion that I was (basically) running from commitment. That’s not an attractive quality, now is it? 🙂
I am a little frightened to say “this is what I’m going to do with my life” about a certain career or what have you. That’s a pretty big deal. But to continue running is immature and, quite honestly, spitting in the face of my God. He has created me to glorify Him, and refusing to do that by utilizing the gifts He has bestowed upon me doesn’t strike me as the wisest avenue to take.
So I’m praying. What are those gifts, and how can I best use them? (The struggle that has marked the past several years of my existence continues – who am I?) In doing so, I pull out a graduation card given to me by a dear friend just barely less than a year ago. I look up the verses that she gave to me, and again, God encourages me with His word.
My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.
Psalm 45:1
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:10